Problems are the one thing that divorced parents have an abundance of. The most important part of that word in divorce cases is the "s". Divorced parents have lots and lots of problems.
-
not enough money,
too little time with the children,
stress caused by the demands of single-parenting,
children whose school performance goes awry or who begin to
exhibit emotional troubles,
complications caused by second marriages. . .
The list never stops.
That fact seems to surprise most divorced individuals. Each tends to believe that there is only one-right-answer to any given problem. Most often each believes his or her proposed solution is the one-right-answer.
The notion that there is one-right-answer stems in large part from the way our educational process works. We are taught arithmetic and for each problem there is one right answer. We are given multiple choice tests and for each question there is one right answer. We then try to apply that approach to other aspects of our lives.
However, for social and human problems, there is virtually never one-right-answer. Rather, there are numerous answers, some of which work better sometimes but not at other times; some of which work fine for one family but don't work at all for another.
One of the greatest sources of divorce and post-divorce litigation is the conviction of each party that he or she is right and the other party is wrong. The most common attitude when people start to negotiate is, "Be reasonable. Do it my way!"
One way to stop, or at least reduce, the fighting for divorced individuals is for them to stop expecting there to be one-right-answer-- to brain-storm solutions to each problem. They will usually be able to think up at least two solutions--his and hers, but they should be pushed to come up with a minimum of four solutions to each problem. The next step is to analyze each of the proposed solutions--to list the pros and cons of each.
Finally, a solution needs to be selected--a decision needs to be made. Sometimes it will be obvious that one proposed solution is better than the others, but often not. When there is no clear "one-right-answer," it doesn't matter much "what" the decision is. It just matters that "a" decision is made, even by flipping a coin.
One of the main benefits of this process is that people can begin to see things from another perspective. Also, it is much easier for anyone to hear, "You're right in what you want, but you can't have what you want," than it is to hear, "You can't have what you want because you're wrong"
For more Anne Kass articles, go here to select from complete list of 97 articles
For listing of over 200 helpful staff articles on Divorce, go here
Home
Tell Your Divorced Or Widowed Friends About This
Article And Site, Send Them This Page Or If They Do Not Have A PC, Print
Out The Article For Them
Split Parents Learn Both Are Often Right
Send this article to a friend
Read over 300
"Life Changing" recovery articles, click here
Divorce
Recovery 101 
Divorce Recovery
Site Map
Divorce Questions
& Answers
Read and/or Submit
Personal Message?
CONTACT US
Online Support
Friends Singles
Chat
Free Divorce
Newsletter
Sign Up
Here
Free 5 Day Email Divorce Course
Sign Up Here
Read and Study over 300 "Life Changing" recovery
articles, click here
Reprint Our
Articles
Information Here
1000 Helpful Single Life Links
go
here
About Us
go
here
Please tell us how
we are doing.
Feel free to make suggestions
Do it
here
Search Articles
How
To Link To Us
Help Others Find This Site
Send This Page
to "Divorcing Friends",
easy
form
Read Letters From
Divorced Folks Like Yourself,
Read
Mail
Single Life Coach
is
our site for those worked thru their divorce and are working on a great
new life as a single person
Dating Again 101 is our new site for help in
getting back into the dating world successfully
Sign up for
Free Dating
Again newsletter of tips to help make new relationships a part
of your life. Edited by Harlan.
by keyword