Resentments, The Big Hold Up
How Long Are You Going To Be Really Pissed?
Harlan Jacobsen Copyright © 2003
You list on this sheet of paper, not only your STBX (soon to be ex) other people involved in your divorce, institutions or principles with whom you are still angry AND all those from the past you still cling to.
Do not concern yourself with whether you should or should not have the anger or resentment, just make the list.
EXAMPLES OF RESENTMENTS
If you can remember the resentment, you should write it down, even though you think that you are over it.
Go back through your life; "thoroughness and honesty" are of utmost importance.
A review of PEOPLE, INSTITUTIONS and PRINCIPLES will bring up a long list, not just your stbx. and not just the people, institutions and principles involved in your divorce.
Include way, back, long before your divorce.
Sure you are sore. You are "burned up."
Lets face it....you are really, really pissed .
On your grudge list, you set opposite each name all your injuries attributed to them.
Is it your self esteem, your security, your ambitions, your sex relations, which have been interfered with?
You work with four columns:
The first column will be the person, place or thing in which you have a resentment against.
The second column will be for why you have the resentment. What injury or hurt did they do to you?
The third column is for entering what was affected as a result of the resentment. you have done thus far. What have you lost or what has been threatened.
Is it now apparent that these resentments have led you to unhappiness and futility?
Have you indeed, squandered away many hours reliving these events?
Are you still very angry over these injustices to you?
Do you realize that your new life is frozen in time if you continue to harbor such feelings?
Do you now realize the power over your life that you have given this hate, anger, and resentment?
Putting out of our minds the wrongs others have done, we look now for
your own mistakes.
Where did I go wrong?
The first thing you will see that becomes apparent is that this world and its people are often quite wrong.
To conclude that others were wrong is as far as most of us ever get.
The usual outcome is that you will figure out that people will likely continue to wrong you, that you will continue to be on the short end of more injustices and you will therefore continue to stay pissed.
Sometimes it turns to remorse and then you will even be sore at yourself.
And the more you fight and try to have your own way, the worse matters get.
As in war, the victor only seemed to win. Our moments of triumph will be short lived.
It eventually will become plain to you, that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness.
Turning back now to the list, for it holds the key to the future.
You are prepared to look for it from an entirely different angle.
You began to see that the world and its people have really dominated and controlled you thru your resentment.
In that state, the wrong doing of others, fancied or real, has the power to actually ruin your new second chance for a great new life.
How can you escape these clutches that hold you back?
You see now that these resentments must be mastered, but how?
You can not wish them away any more than you can wish away your divorce.
You realize now that the people who wronged you were perhaps a mixed up
mess with their own very serious problems.
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