STARTING OVER AGAIN
A SERIES OF ARTICLES ON ADJUSTING TO DIVORCE
by Harlan Jacobsen
Part 35
YOU PROGRAM YOUR BIG COMPUTER EVERY DAY
When you become divorced, you program yourself incorrectly in many cases and most people are programming in and creating most of their own problems. The computer industry people call it G.I.G.O. (Garbage In is Garbage Out).
NEWLY DIVORCED FREQUENTLY OVERLOAD THEIR BIG COMPUTER
Becoming overwhelmed with more than your big computer can handle will turn on all types of body alarms that will get your computer out from under the overload. Your big computer will involuntarily (not conscious control) set off actions in your body that may not be good, such as making you sick - so you are out of it. 'Take me out of the game!" Your computer can make you go crazy to get out from the overload; it may pick being depressed. Becoming depressed shuts down everything, overwhelming or overloading your computer can even lead to suicide.
HOW DO YOU KEEP FROM OVERLOADING WHEN DIVORCED?
First of all, most of your everyday functions are programmed in (habit) and are automatic. Becoming divorced means you're living habits are changed and are no longer 'automatic.' Everything 'new' requires "processing" until it becomes old stuff and is on automatic.
DIVORCE ACTIVATES THE LIFE OR DEATH- 'SURVIVAL' PORTION OF YOUR COMPUTER.
When everything happening and coming in is processed with 'Will I survive a not?' with it, then everything is dead serious. All of this unfamiliar territory, taking over self-maintenance, new life-style, new people, new financial problems, new hazards, is your ex going to 'do it' to you, require all new 'processing.'
GIVING YOUR BIG COMPUTER UNSOLVABLE PROBLEMS USES TREMENDOUS ENERGY.
You will be so drained from processing no-solution problems, that you will not be able to "cope" with or "process" all the new things happening in your life.
Newly divorced often give their big computer problems with un-solvable or unanswerable problems. Example: What did I do wrong that made my marriage fail? Why me? What did I ever do to deserve this? Those are crazy-making type problems.
STOP THINKING ABOUT AND PROCESSING THIS OLD JUNK.
You need every bit of your processing abilities and time to process 'new', 'now' things in your life. You need all of the energy to handle 'changes.'
GET OFF OF "PANIC" AND "WILL I SURVIVE?"
Certainly you will survive. Get off of processing everything new you are doing as a threat to your very survival.
Look on 'new' as a challenge - not as a threat. You may be processing everything new as a 'threat' to your survival.
YOUR BIG COMPUTER WANTS TO PROCESS & KEEP YOU AND GET YOU BACK TO 'FAMILIAR.'
Anything that you are no longer able to do, to enjoy, etc. your computer is trying to direct you back to. Anytime you are not able to do that initially your subconscious sends down 'pain' and uncomfortable 'feelings' to your body. After 21 days of abstinence, it tends to stop doing that.
WHEN YOU ARE INTO "NEW" HAPPENINGS - YOUR COMPUTER HAS NOTHING ON FILE TO COMPARE TO- RESULT- 'ALARM'
Your computer then adds doom a 'Danger! Get ready to run' message to your body. That's stress. After doing it three or four times, your computer decides, maybe this is not a danger to survival, so it shuts off the 'stress' message to your body.
HOW DO I PROGRAM MYSELF WRONG?
With words. What you are saying to yourself. Thinking is done with symbols, namely words. Before 2, you thought in feelings. After 2, you start processing everything in words.
BIGGEST CRAZY-MAKING AFTER DIVORCE WORD IS "WHY?'
Throw it out; do not use it during your recovery period. If you want to drive someone crazy when they do something, ask them "why?" When they get done with that answer, say 'why?' again. Keep saying 'why?' every time they finish. If you want to drive yourself crazy, keep asking yourself why. If you want to stop driving yourself crazy overloading your computer needlessly, stop asking Why?
ELIMINATE THE FOLLOWING WORDS AND PHRASES:
1. Should
2. Can't
3. I have to or got to
4. Ought to
5. Try
6. Must
7. Need to
8. I would like to
9. I wish
10. I would
ALL OF THE ABOVE INDICATE TO YOUR BIG COMPUTER YOU ARE NOT IN CHARGE.
Why does it conclude you're not in charge? Because the above words tell it you are not. That your life is pressured from the outside, that Mother, your Ex, or someone is still breathing down your neck. That you can't take responsibility for or charge of what's happening in your life.
TO TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE ONLY LET YOUR COMPUTER HEAR
"IN CHARGE" WORDS.
Immaturity is using childhood programming. Continuing to use those words is not to grow up and be in charge of yourself. Those words were appropriate as a child - no longer. Now substitute these "in charge" words for all of the above:
1. 1 want
2. I don't want
3. I will
4. I will not
HOW DO YOU TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE?
Simple. Change your vocabulary of what you say to yourself, out loud to others or silently.
More next issue!
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