STARTING OVER AGAIN
Part 10
A SERIES OF ARTICLES ON
ADJUSTING TO DIVORCE
BY HARLAN JACOBSEN
THE HUMAN SPIRIT IS INDOMITABLE, NOTHING
CAN LICK IT BUT YOU .....
Chances are you got married before you ever had an opportunity to come to terms with your own dreams. Not until you accept responsibility now for your own life can you hope to change it. Somewhere along the way, with responsibilities to others you lost sight of the person you once wanted to be. Now you no longer live for appearances, nor do you duck this idea of making a change for fear of what others might think of you. No matter what you do someone is going to be upset. Denying oneself for the sake of the children is one of the biggest copouts of divorcees who are afraid to try a new identity or new career. Learn to take something out of life. Live your life to the fullest.
WHAT WILL BE YOUR SITUATION
ONE YEAR FROM NOW?
The same as now only one year older? You are now to the second act, get busy and write the script. You are the player but no longer in someone else's world. Set your goals and get moving if you have not already done so.
TO WASTE ONES LIFE IS TO WASTE
THE ENTIRE WORLD
Last issue we had a script for a tape for you to make to help "condition" your mind for single life, a tape that would put your goals in front of your subconscious and teach you to relax, trust and listen to your inner voice to make the right decisions.
If you have not yet tried this, playing the tape for a relaxation period three times a day for two weeks, we urge you to do so now. The previous issue article was to help you decide what you want, last issue was programming yourself to get it.
Whatever it is you decided you want from life, happiness, the right mate, new interests, whatever, the mere deciding and thinking through what you now want out of life puts you well on the road to getting it.
YOU ARE NO LONGER DRIFTING, YOU NOW HAVE A GOAL (DESTINATION)
You realize it is your life and what you do with it now, (perhaps for the first time) is strictly up to you. You can blame your parents, your ex, your unfortunate circumstances, whatever for your present plight.
What happens to you now and hereafter is strictly up to you and your future circumstances now will be without anyone to blame. Is it your life and you have to live it. Your divorce was not the end of the play. It was the first intermission. You now have a chance to write the script for the next act. You have come to terms with the fact that you are single.
MARRIED LIFE MAY HAVE BEEN COMFORTABLE AS AN OLD SLIPPER
Single life may bind and hurt like a new pair of shoes. It will take some breaking in and getting used to them. The sooner you wear them and get on with living the better.
People are about as happy as they make up their mind to be. The trouble with many divorced is that many have not made up their mind to be happy. If you have not set goals for your new life we strongly urge you to do so. It will be the turning point, you decide what you want, move in that direction and get it. You will no longer be "over" a divorce, you will be learning and growing from it.
REPROGRAM YOUR BIG COMPUTER
When you program your subconscious as to where you are going your inner intelligence will guide you if you will but listen to it.
You may still feel like a visitor to singledom, like a person from another planet and you have refused to put down roots.
ACCEPT THE FACT YOU ARE HERE IN "SINGLEDOM" TO STAY FOR A WHILE
Instead of dreaming about "someone" Prince Charming or Ms. Perfect coming along and rescuing you from your single plight and taking you away from all of this, you have now changed your attitude.
YOU HAVE NOW ACCEPTED SINGLE LIFE
AS A REALITY
You have set out to make it so enjoyable and good that when Mr. or Ms. Right comes along they will not feel like they are saving you, they will feel you are doing them a favor to let them share your wonderful life.
YOU HAVE NOT YET GOTTEN IT ALL TOGETHER
So you see that right now you are not ready for Mr. or Ms. Perfect to come along. In the meantime you will develop many other great relationships. You are practicing, you are adjusting your attitudes, outlooks, your Interests and your goals.
WHEN YOU ARE READY
MR. OR MS. WILL APPEAR
Let us get on with getting ready.
PUT YOUR COMPUTER ON "AUTOMATIC"
FOR A NEW HAPPY SINGLE LIFE
When you program yourself with the cassette tape (from last issue) you put your new life on automatic. There are several ways to program yourself for automatic; the fastest most effective way is the cassette tape script we listed last issue.
ONCE PROGRAMMED, IT JUST HAPPENS
It is sort of like putting your TV set on the right channel for later tonight for a special program. When it is time for the program, it just happens. When your subconscious calls the shots because it knows where it is supposed to be headed, then you make decisions readily, they just feel right, once made and you follow through naturally.
YOUR OLD PROGRAMMING LEFT ALONE, MEANS YOU WILL BE UPTIGHT AND UNCOMFORTABLE MAKING THE CHANGES NOW FOR A HAPPY NEW SINGLE LIFE.
Once your subconscious has the new programming accepted, by using the tape, doing these things will then not be stressful. They will just happen naturally and be fun.
YOU TEND TO DO WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS DONE, EVEN THOUGH YOU KNOW IT DOES NOT WORK FOR YOU NOW.
You may consider that this may all be pretty darn scary, doing things you have never done before. So read over the tape script and assure yourself there are no suggestions in that script that would not be good for you. Then, once you decide it is okay for you, go with it 100%.
IF YOUR LIFE IS NOT WORKING, MAKE SOME CHANGES THAT WILL MAKE IT WORK FOR YOU.
These simple program changes remove old programming and replace it with your new programming.
WHY DO I WANT TO SWITCH TO BE HAPPILY SINGLE, MY GOAL HAS ALWAYS BEEN TO BE HAPPILY MARRIED.
When you are unhappy as a single person (you are single now you know) then you marry the first thing down the pike proposing marriage and offering to take you away from all this singles hassle.
When you have a great happy life as a single person (that is still you, remember, single) then it has to look even better for you to jump into marriage again and when you do decide that would be happier yet, then you are getting married for the right reason.
YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE THE HARD WAY…
Changing the hard way means that every time you do something new outside your past experiences and counter to all the old SHOULDS and SHOULD NOTS that you have in your programming, then you will be uncomfortable and under stress. Each time someone drags you out or gets you to do something you are uncomfortable with, it gets a little more okay. If they drag you out (you will make all kinds of excuses as to why you can not go or do this today). Eventually, it will get to be okay. The problem is, it was uncomfortable and unhappy all the way, you did not enjoy yourself and unless you have some real friends that do a lot of dragging you around you will probably be years before you get on to a happy single life.
USING THE TAPE TO CHANGE YOUR PROGRAMMING (ATTITUDE, OUTLOOK AND REACTION) ABOUT BEING SINGLE, IT CAN BE JUST AUTOMATIC AND FUN.
You decide, do it the easy way (with the tape) quickly and fun or let it take a long time and be under stress the whole time, uncomfortable with your stomach in knots and the whole number. Becoming suddenly single at your age is a major adjustment.
WE HAVE OFFERED YOU A SOLUTION THAT DOES WORK AND IT WILL WORK FOR YOU TOO
This method is readily available to you at no charge. Like reading a book on muscle building, nothing happens until you do something. You have to put it into use. NOTHING WORKS UNTIL YOU DO. A recipe in a cookbook does nothing until you do something with it. We offer you a recipe that has a tasty result. No one that has followed the instructions has failed to achieve an excellent result.
NEXT ISSUE: WHERE DO YOU GO FROM HERE…
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