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If you can see the
similarity between trying to run around the bases and
still keep one foot on home base and your present situation,
then this is going to be the most important getting on with
life lesson you've ever had.
Here's the
background
This middle aged
lady from Canada came to one of my divorce recovery
classes and spoke about her adjusting to the loss of her
husband who had died of cancer.
She shared her personal experience getting
on with her new life alone as a single person.
She had gone to
private counseling sessions she said, attended self
help groups like ours and had essentially done
everything right, that you should do on the end of a long
term relationship.
But, she said after
two years her life was now mediocre and not progressing.
She was stuck in neutral.
Here's what she
told us changed her life::
"She said one day I
was driving somewhere and for some unknown reason I drove into
the cemetary
"I went over to my
husbands grave where I had been coming on a regular
basis."
She
said I knelt down and for the first time ......
"I said good by
to him."
"She said it was
like an enormous weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
"I had let him go."
"My
life changed completely she said from that day on."
She then went on to relate some of the steps she had taken
to a great new start in life.
Note: We told those
coming to our classes for the first time, that it makes no
difference if you are going thru the end of a
relationship, because of divorce, death or disertion,
you will go thru basically the same steps.
We
relate in these lessons, this widows success secrets and
others like her.
Poweful techniques they used to get to a good place in
their life.
We pass on to you
what worked for these suddenly singled people going thru
very similar situations to what you are going thru. Steps
in letting go of "what was" and getting on to making a
great new part of their life.
" We did tell the
divorced that the widow or widower had a slight advantage:
they knew for sure that their last relationship was over, but
as you can see they too have to process that fact and get on
with life.
"One
more story we ran into on not
letting go, that was almost unbelievable, that really brings
this up.
This lady and her
three kids were still setting a place at the table for her
former husband who had divorced two years before. The thought
was he just may come to his senses and return any time.
The
punch line of this story is he had been remarried to someone
else for over a year.
As we said early on
here, before you can run around the bases, you are
going to have to 100% let go of what was.
What do you do when
your marriage bombs out? You get divorced.
So what do you do when
your single life bombs?
Some get back
together, if they are both bombing as single people,
and try it again.
Some
singles in our classes had said they had gone back and retried
their marriage again as many as three times.
Apparently, many not
knowing how to make life as a single work and have a happy
successful life as a single, conclude, marriage was bad,
..
but it wasn't this
bad, so maybe I should escape from this and see if my ex wants to try being together
again.
They go back and try it again.
Then it all comes back, why they split in the first
place and they get out again.......
Crazy Making
This is like cutting
off the dogs tail one inch at a time so it wont hurt so much.
Use the meat cleaver
approach,
One fell swoop and it is
over.
Convince yourself you are now 100%
single.
Cut off ALL
contact with your previous relationship for one year. (only
necessary kid transactions)
This is an absolute must, or you are
wasting your time here.
You M U S T close
the door to the "what was"
Before you can open the
door to your "Exciting" new life as a unique successful
happy single person.
________________________________
We have good news
for you.......
The more
devastating the death of a relationship was for you
the better.....
Over the long term the
person nearly wiped out makes a lot of changes and moves on to
a lot better life.
Those with little upset just keep doing
reruns and advance their life very little.
So if your life
building was destroyed nearly to the foundation, you now
rebuild your life from the ground up, often entirely
different and far better then what was. Often moving to
a better place to build your new life..
If
only slightly damaged you just repaint and go back to the same
life you had before, - like nothing ever happened.
When you are in this
wiped out stage you reconsider, do I really want to recreate
my life to where it was before?
Or is this an opportunity to really grow and change my
life.
Detour
Ahead......
You have this void,
you are sure you need someone, someone to help you make
these tough life time decisions, scary decisions I have never
had to make before.
Someone to replace the
over 100 pounds that have been surgically removed from your
life..
Someone to touch and be close to again.....
You
are a relationship addict.
GOING
THRU WITHDRAWAL.... | 
Lesson Two-Letting Go
