Harlan Jacobsen Copyright 2003

You, like the rest of us divorced or widowed folks, are a relationship addict.

You just got off of a long term relationship and rather then "sober up" you may be out desperately searching for a new fix.

The pain of withdrawal from booze or drugs is very severe and to stop the unbearable pain of withdrawal most will do almost anything to get another "fix" to stop having to go thru this pain....

The success rate of those newly singled who jump into a new relationship to stop this pain is almost nil. You merely postpone the pain.

This relationship (often marriage) built on the wrong motivation will end and then you have to go thru a withdrawal that is made even worse.

Your marriage failed, and to keep your divorce from becoming a failure too, we put out a hard and fast rule.. ABSOLUTELY NO MATE HUNTING FOR 6 MONTHS.

Sober up and work thru the pain of the death of what was the loss of a long term relationship. When thru that pain, then you can date, but still no mate hunting for 6 months.

We strongly recommend
exclusive dating
of one person, (you used to call this going steady) for the first 6 months. (definition of a policy of "exclusive dating", is "serial monagomy")

Just be up front and tell people you date that this is your policy for 6 months, on dating after working thru your divorce, that you may date some one regularly, but you also continue to date other people as well.

In other words, no latching on to one person, and no "one person" latching on to or owning you in the first 6 months,

You may need to expand "no mate hunting" to one year depending on how much dating you do (if any).

Therefore this basically means
you can date when ready but NO PROMISES for 6 months to one year. (No commitments.)

    The defense for newly divorced getting into dating, and being pressured, the key is to be ready when needed to use these very clear and magic words.

  • I am newly divorced and "I am not ready for that yet".


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