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Divorce Recovery 101.com

Recent  Email To The Editor

Harlan,

Hi everyone,

I just found your web site today and am so excited about it! It is so positive and refreshing and truly speaks into my heart/life.

Thank you so much for all the hard work you all do you all are so amazing and I appreciate you so much, my breath of fresh air. I will be a “regular” now and look forward to growing and learning about my exciting new opportunity thanks to you.

You have to know that I was on another site/group (I won’t mention the name) everyone was so angry and in such bad situations it was depressing. I had a horrific end of my marriage due to domestic violence I do not want to re-hash it out everyday I WANT TO GET ON WITH MY LIFE!!!

So you see how important this is to me and how excited I am!?!
Keep the faith.

Regards,
Judy B
Houston


Harlan,

To the all of the contributors to the datingagain101.com website...

Thank you soooo much for taking the time to put together and maintain this website. I am almost 6 months removed from the end of my marriage of 5 years (8 year relationship)and have felt utterly lost. Out of desperation I happened to search google for divorce support and found your site. I've since been digging through it for the last 3 hours and I have to say it has done more good than anything I have read or anyone I have spoken to since the end of my marriage.

Before I was married I always had a strong group of friends. People that were like family to me. Throughout the course of my marriage I neglected these relationships to death. Little did I know I was once an accomplished fuzzy giver and that resuming this practice is now the answer to filling the huge social void I have been so desperately trying to fill. I can't wait to get started. Just the simple act of giving out a few practice fuzzies today has turned me from desperate to hopeful. I honestly feel you have given me the gift of hope. Hope that I have not felt for a long time and didn't even realize was missing.

Thank you!
Derek


Harlan,

Hi, just wanted to tell you how helpful your site is. As a parent recently separated and looking at divorce, as well as, a therapist, I appreciate your perspectives and advice!

Thanks again.
Sue


Thank you for taking the time to write these articles. I was only married a year but it started out with something not quite right. We both thought it would get better but it didn't. Soon he made a motion to divorce me right after our first anniversary. We separated, I thought we would get back together, I thought he would be open to working things out, but I was wrong. In just five more days I will be at the first and final court hearing in which our divorce will be complete lickity split bc I signed trying to go with the flow, since going against the flow wasn't having any success. Sadly going with the flow has just made the process way quick and I have been starved for truth, hurt by all the blame pushed on to me that I have readily accepted, self esteem crushed, hope still intact. I pray for a miracle, I hand it over to God, I realize my commitment and how little it has to do with relationship addiction, but to no avail ... this one is out of my control for sure!

Thank-you for encouragement, for helping me get my head on straight, for giving me something positive to obsess over.


Thank you for taking the time to write these articles. I was only married a year but it started out with something not quite right. We both thought it would get better but it didn't. Soon he made a motion to divorce me right after our first anniversary. We separated, I thought we would get back together, I thought he would be open to working things out, but I was wrong. In just five more days I will be at the first and final court hearing in which our divorce will be complete lickity split bc I signed trying to go with the flow, since going against the flow wasn't having any success. Sadly going with the flow has just made the process way quick and I have been starved for truth, hurt by all the blame pushed on to me that I have readily accepted, self esteem crushed, hope still intact. I pray for a miracle, I hand it over to God, I realize my commitment and how little it has to do with relationship addiction, but to no avail ... this one is out of my control for sure!

Thank-you for encouragement, for helping me get my head on straight, for giving me something positive to obsess over.


Harlan,

I just wanted to thank you for taking the time to post all the information on divorcerecovery101.com. My husband and I are getting a divorce and have been apart for a month now and it's been the hardest month of my life. I happened on your site today and all I can say is after reading a few of the articles I feel so much better. I'm going to read all the information you have and try to get my life on track and make it through this ugly process and get on to the good stuff :)

Thanks so much,
Kim


Just writing to thank you for all the words of wisdom I've read and found in your emails and website. I am in Africa, looking for friends going through divorce and am not succeeding. I'd like to reach out and start dating, I do not know where to start. I've recovered now, its been 5 years, though paper work is dragging. Where can I find friends? Do hope I get a response.

Shiru


Thanks for the encouraging website and great articles. I'm ready to start living and giving and appreciate the pep talks.  You've helped many people and I appreciate your sharing of your talents.

Thank you!
Martha


Hi Harlan

I have been legally separated for about four years. As you described in your emails I jumped into a couple relationship too soon and for all the wrong reasons. I left that relationship a year ago. I find myself crying and calling my ex husband to reconcile when I get lonely or scared.

I did it again last week. when I got up Saturday morning I found your website and signed up for the five emails. I cannot thank you enough. You have helped me understand and change my thinking in a week! I have wasted time and money with therapists who could not provide the common sense direction I needed and you gave me.

I have been living in Florida far from my ex and my grown children. I have decided to return but not under the clouded thinking that it will be to get back with my ex. It is because I can live a fuller richer life there as a single and I can be near to my children without reconciling with their father.

Thank You again. you helped change my life.
Monica


I just wanted to thank you for all your articles. They have made me realize so much about myself. Keep up the good work people

Thanks
Sherry

Hi Harlan

 
I was surfing the net and read your site.  It was well-written and very informative.
 
Best regards,
Ron

Hi, just want to thank you for the great articles you've put together regarding divorce. We are in the process after a 24 year marriage. He went on a midlife crisis and has had 3-4 partners in just 10 mos.! This is not the same man I married; yet has changed so much now; even in the relationship with his 9 year old son. I guess I thought I was going to be married for ever. Now he listens to his atty. and pays her, as I did that for free. But I was able to convince him for mediation; but we still have both attys. to check over the paperwork! 

Your advice is down to earth and so true! Thank you for helping support me in this time of my midlife.


Mr. Jacobsen,

I just wanted to let you know how much your website has helped me. I just “found out” a few days ago that I’m getting a divorce. I have not been able to eat or sleep for days. I have just been sitting in my living room staring at the wall and wondering what would become of me. I have not been able to stop crying for over 5 minutes. I just went on your website today and was perusing articles for guidance. The material that I read was so helpful. I feel like things will definitely be tough, but there is hope. I will be able to make it through this. Thank you for having a site like this for people seeking direction who don’t have anywhere else to go. While on your website, I haven’t burst into tears once. I just can’t believe it. I can’t tell you how grateful I am.

Thank you for your service,

Brittany


Hi Guys,
I came across your website by searching for a support group that I can 'attend' to when I have the time. You guys delivered exactly that. You Rock! I enjoy your website, full of info. You re insured me that what I am doing is the right thing. Also, you touch on subject that nobody ever takes about.

Job well done!
Thank you for creating such a site.
Newly separated from Woodland Hills, Ca
Susanne:)


Hi Harlan,

I just wanted to say how much I appreciate this website.  I am going thru a very difficult time right now and I have found it enormously helpful.  I will continue to visit here for the encouragement and positive energy.

Thanks very much.
Sincerely, 
Laura

 


Hi there.  Just wanted to say what a blessing your website has been to me recently.  I am just entering these choppy waters of separation and divorce, not by choice mind you.  Your website has been a valuable source of information and encouragement.  I use it daily.  Thank you so much for the effort and time you have obviously put into this.

 

Paul


Dear Mr Jacobsen:

Your website is outstanding. I gain tremendous strength and inspiration from it every day. Please keep up the great work you are doing.  It is a service to mankind that is very appreciated.

DC


Just wanted to say that I have really benefited from your website...thanks alot from someone who has felt in a bit of a rut !!!! :)

Hugz !!!

Rob


 

Hi Harlan,

There is a smile on my face because of your great web site.  I have told others about it, it is that good. 

Thank you,
Liz


Dear Mr Jacobsen,

I want to thank you and your team for your amazing website and articles. Initially when I started looking for 'divorce help', most of what I found on websites and books were of the 'stop your divorce & save your marriage' and 'dating after divorce' variety. None of it made sense to me, and I knew for sure I wasn't ready for dating. I even saw a shrink who didn't have answers or advice but rather offered me a variety of medication. What I needed was a roadmap and I found it, on your website!

I've been through a lot of websites, and your is the most complete and comprehensive one I've found. I especially like being able to read an article or 2 a day. It's easier to take things in little bits than everything all at once.

So I'd like to send you a GINORMOUS FUZZY and a BIG THANK YOU.

Sincerely,
Carina


I recently found your site and it is so wonderful I can not believe it is free!  When ever I start feeling sorry for myself, I can go on your site and instantly put an end to my pity party and I feel as if I grow a little more as a better person each time.  Please keep up the great work, I have no doubt it is a ton of work, but greatly appreciated!

Sincerely,
Robin -- a new "warm fuzzie" fan!


Hi Harlan.  I just want to say thanks for providing your divorce recovery website.  My stbx walked out six weeks ago after 18 years of marriage.  Your site is a life saver.  I read several of your articles daily, and they are truly helping.  And I am taking your advice and not having any contact with my stbx, and this is the best thing for me.  It really is like an addict going through withdrawls, but I know it's the best thing for me.

Best,
Bonnie


WOW................ Thanks for the father son talk that i really needed. I've been divorced now for almost 5 yrs. and like you have stated I'm still addicted to my ex. Reading the articles on this site have done more for me that all the advice from my many well intending friends ever has. I THOUGHT THAT I REALLY DID LOVE MY EX THAT MUCH. NOW I KNOW THAT I DIDN'T. Thank you so very much from the bottom of my heart. My only regret now is that i didn't know about this site 5 years ago.

Thanks.... BOB


I just wanted to say "thank you" for being there in such a time of need.  I'm one of those people that when something happens and they need answers, I go to the library and/or get on the internet.   I have thanked God every day that I found you right off the bat.  Your knowledge and information helped ease my anxiety the very first day.  I can't tell you how many times during the day I have gone to your web site and the others that you have recommended.  I have certainly filled up my "favorites" folder.    I can honestly say that I don't have an excuse for thinking that I'm going through this alone.  Thank you for all of your hard work and dedication.

Lesa


Just wanted to let you know that I am using this story with my middle school students and we are working on passing out warm fuzzies as a daily homework assignment for the next 21 days!  Thank you for sharing.  I am divorced and remarried and all that you say is true.

How I wish I had seen this sight 4 years ago.  I sill share it with my single friends!

This is awesome!!!!
Cinda

 


I would like to thank you for your site DivorceRecovery101. I hope that you all know the value of sites like yours that give that ray of hope to those of us in our very dark days. I just discovered your site today and already I feel so much more in control of my future. Your site is excellently put together and easy to digest. I can not put into words how much this information helps me when I am feeling that stagnant feeling of hopelessness and rejection.

Thank you!
Shona


Although I am a widow and not divorced, I was married 30 years when I lost my husband. I had no idea about being single or getting out there. I knew I wanted to move on as opposed to staying in the safety of my own home/world.

Your articles still help with commonsense ideas that apply to both divorced and widowed.

Thank you for your site and keep up the good work.

Linda



Harlan,

God you really exist. I thought you had morphed into automatic emails. Thank you so much for all your help. I will take your advice and I'll tell you how it goes.

Thanks again,
Diane


Mr. Jacobsen,

I just wanted to express my appreciation of your articles which have helped me so much in this season I am going through.

As a “counselor”, I am expected to know all the answers, but when I was faced with the crisis in my own life, I had no-one to turn to for comfort and guidance.

Your site has been a “God-send” in my life.

I have found such valuable information and guidance in your articles.

I hope you do not mind, but I have printed a few to give to some of the people I have been counseling who are going through the same season.

I have put your web site name on every page, so all know that it is your work, and also that they can go on to your site to get further help.

thank you once again
Claire


Harlan,

I just wanted to send a quick note thanking you for your wonderful website. My husband of 19 years asked me for a divorce 3 years ago. He quickly married a woman I thought of as a friend. It really caused a lot of pain in my life and the life of our two children.

Your articles helped me to react to the different situations that came up with dignity and respect. I found that while I needed to forgive both of them to move on (and I did) I did not necessarily need to forget. That alone allowed me to keep from having him use me.

Now 3 years later and I see I am worth much more single than I was married. I recognize the part I played in the death of our marriage. I have moved on to create a home and life for myself and my children. Once again we laugh a lot. We do spontaneous things (like going to Flagstaff for a day of tubing in the snow). I am working at a job I love with people I highly respect. I don't think I would have become healthy so quickly without your articles and of course some wonderful friends.

I am sorry that it took so long to write. I want to thank you for your wonderful website. I always have two recommendations to friends considering divorce. One think of everyone involved and know that it is worth fighting for. Two if it will no work be sure to check out the Divorce Recovery Website.

Deborah
Phoenix, Arizona


Hi,

Thank you for your wonderful work. This website is an answer to many of the concerns on my mind in the past 7 months since my wife left me. We were together for 12 years and had no kids. The loneliness hurt so much as I had literally no one I felt I could speak with. Suicide and murder did cross my mind (ashamed to admit it but proud to have resisted). I’m really looking forward to giving out warm fuzzies. The thought of doing this alone makes me feel better. I work with kids aged 5-11 and I realize that it’s their warm fuzzies that I’ve been getting that kept me sane (and unshrivelled) Thank you from Trinidad.

Dale


Harlan,

Just dropping you a short note thanking you for your website. In the weeks leading up to my divorce, and in the 2 weeks since my divorce, I have read and reread the articles on your site. Even though I am still in a state of shock, I feel your concepts are sinking in thru sheer repetition!! The site does give me hope daily that there is still life out there worth living.

Thank you for your time and enormous effort that have gone into your site.

Ralph


Hello Harlan,

I just wanted to take a few minutes to express my gratitude for your many divorce related web sites. My wife asked for a divorce last August. I spent 4 months trying to convince her to stay. I was miserable the entire time; I was also in denial.

In December, she moved into her own apartment. She was quite determined to leave our marriage, as she was thoroughly in love with her next STBX. I was in depression the entire month of December.

In January, I found the Divorce Recovery web. I spent hours each day reading the articles. I enrolled in a divorce support group. I also enrolled in a dance class, and began socializing with friends. I built a network of friends who would listen to me as I released my STBX from my thoughts.

Toward the end of January, I spent an entire day looking at old cards, wedding stuff, pictures, etc. There were several tears shed as each item found its way into the paper shredder. You are right – by the end of the day, I was wiped out. No more stuff to shred, no more tears to cry.

In February, I filed the paperwork, officially beginning the mandatory California 6-month waiting period. I also discontinued all forms of contact with her. It is now mid-March, and my spirits are much higher. I am spending money on fixing up the house (I owned it before the marriage, and so I will continue to live here). I am changing all the colors to suit my liking. I am also replacing the furniture with my own choices. I am using my “rainy day” funds.

I will continue to read and reread your articles until I am fully back on my feet. I’m now enjoying 3-4 days each week of feeling good about life. What’s more, the bad days are either uneventful or with slight pain. There is no more depression, and no more “rock-bottom” moments.

Thanks for posting these articles – they really do make a difference!

Mike M
Los Angeles, California


A great big THANK YOU to everyone responsible for putting together survival information concerning divorce.
Of course, I was feeling sorry for myself when I found your web-site. I am going to practice sending warm fuzzies each & every day for 21 days. I look forward to it becoming second nature to me!
I was thinking today about the lady in Gone With The Wind who always was loving and forgiving. (I don't even know her name right off hand) I believe that this kind of person is always giving warm fuzzies.
Whoever is responsible for all this wonderful information, I want you to know that I really needed a boost today! Thanks for the kick in the pants and the light at the end of the tunnel.


Hi!! it's been more than a year since last time. Time really flies when you're divorcing!! (bad joke, I'm sorry)..
I wish one of you understand Spanish!! well, I'll do my best. I just wanted to say hi and thanks, you have been such a great source of knowledge and good mood (I don't know how to put it down..) well, anyway, please keep the good work, God will pay what you do for thousands of people around the world... next time you're in Guadalajara Mexico, dinner's on me!! thanks, and keep the good work! 
God bless you!




Thank you soooo much for the insight-I've been using your website for 2 yrs and found it extremely helpful-thank you

MARIA, MA
HAVE A GREAT DAY!




Hi Harlan,

Heartfelt thanks for the words of wisdom ,from a now ex hurter in Africa.

Phillip




Harlan,

I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your work in attempting to help those of us going through such a hard time.

I am sure that at times this is a thankless job – so I wanted to let you know this has been a life saver to me, in the short time I have been on your board – and I have seen it be that to many others.

Thank you, and your family, for all you do.

Rhonda




This is good practical advice for moving forward. When I recently divorced, I'll see some articles online that just made me angry but then I look at these and they do make sense. You might get some angry readers but after they read this stuff with a different view, it sinks in better. Divorce really is taxing, I just want to enjoy the single time that I have. The thought of dating again is agonizing now but this advice is good for progress.




Although I have not read everything you have available on the web, I would like to tell you that it has been the single most useful resource in my divorce.  I like your straight forward style.  I agree with everything I have read.  I really appreciate the time, effort and expense of putting this together. 

Thank you very much,
Denis




This web site & related articles are wonderful- I swear to you I had no idea what to do/think/be after I received the "shock" that I did not see coming from my husband. 

This website has saved me- really and truly, and I can't tell you the nights I have come home from work wanting nothing but to sob myself to sleep, and logged on instead, and found hope enough to last me to the morning. 

God bless you all- you ARE reaching people!




Good Morning from Fort Worth, Texas!!!

I am newly divorced (not final yet) but have found that my level of friends is CONSIDERABLY lower than I thought. No one calls me. No one asks me to do things with them. No one realizes that I am lonely (except the people who see my crying uncontrollably all the time!!).

I am working, so hard, to get to know what I should do, what I can do and what is "out there" for me as a new resident of SingleLand.

I was married for 24 years. I want so much to learn to enjoy life again, make new friends, find new lovers and have some fun (not as a wild woman but as a person who loves life).

Enough about me!

I wanted you to know that as I was "surfing" to find local singles groups or meetings or classes, I happened upon your web sites. I have been reading and reading for nearly TWO HOURS now. My day has gotten totally away from me (not always a bad thing!). But, I wanted to tell you just how wonderful it is to find a site that is REAL, honest, straightforward and fun. I will be back. I've signed up for your newsletter. I have enjoyed your frank words, your honest and human touch and wish I could give each of you a huge HUG right now. Thank you for sharing your love of life with those of us who are having a difficult time just waking up every day. Or getting out of the house. Or going to work. Or smiling for that matter. I will be working so hard to learn more, do more, try more of the things that you all suggest (for what works for me, what I can do and what I want to do). I think that you have a great w eb site. I am sure you are all such fun people to be around.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

In this world of BS web sites and BS chat rooms and BS people - it is not only refreshing to see and read and know your words, but it is exciting to know that I will not melt away into a puddle b/c of the fact that I can't figure out how to get my feet moving and my smile back on my face. You are all very special and I want you to know that if you help just ONE person per day, like me, then you are a huge success in the book of life. HUGS and HUGS and HUGS to each of you .

Fondly,
Sally

A little "fuzzy" for you...

Thanks for your website. It kept me sane over the past few hours after 
breaking up with my boyfriend. I'm looking forward to practicing being 
rejected ;)

-------------Georgia



Harlan, 

I was married to my ex for 18 years, We have two small children 7 and 9. The marriage failed over 4 years ago and I wanted to stay for the kids. I moved out Jan 1st of this year and the Divorce was final in March. I bought a house 2 blocks away to be close to my kids. I now realize the things that I did to contribute to the marriage failing. I admit I begged for her to give me another chance. I am a ex Marine and have had a lot of pain in my life but never felt any pain like this before. I have to contact her  for the kids and live in a small town and she is in the run phase now and tells me about her new dating adventures which hurts also. I am going to try to date now too as I gear up to get back in the game. I wish to thank you for this web site this has helped ease my pain. It has given me the information that I so needed. I am also seeing a psychologist as I can't find a support group in my area. When I feel down I go back to your site. You should get a special award for this site. 

Thanks again 
Mike

 

You have made my day by sharing these insights about Warm Fuzzies on Dating Again 101.com even though I do not need the info about divorce recovery I am sure someone will.

The Bible says "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" 
Matthew 7:12, Luke 6:31
Since we all need warm fuzzies, we have to start by giving them out. 

God Bless You for the work you do, 
Pastor Mike


Hi Harlan,

Thanks for your five steps. I'm working through them a little slower so that I can really grasp all of the things I must do. I have created my "goals" and am trying to determine if those are the ones that I really want or if they are just the kid in me coming back out (which isn't necessarily a bad thing!!).

It's important to me to get him not only out of my life but out of my head as well l. Quietly, patiently and permanently.

Thanks again for your web site and your educational words, for me and the many others that have benefited from your experiences. They are so "real" and not like any other sites I've encountered in my few six months on this road.


Thank you!

Sally


I just had to let you know that your website has literally saved my life. Before I knew this website existed I was in a total state of "crazy". So crazy in fact that I attempted suicide the night of December 31, 2004 hoping I would not have to go through the pain of losing my STBX in the new year. True...I am the one who filed for divorce after learning that my husband of 15 years and partner for 20 years had fathered a child (now 1- 1/2 yrs old) during an affair....True....I am also the one who had prayed to God to set me free well before I had even learned of my husbands adultery.....True.....I had emotionally divorced my husband a LONG time ago...True....even with all of this I wasn't prepared for the pain of actually BEING APART from him.

I thank God for your website because I now recognize that #1 the real source of my pain is that I am addicted to our relationship and that # 2 I am not the only one going through such things and most importantly #3 Once I accept and complete my 21 day Ex Detox I will finally be able to go on to an even better life than I'd ever known before!

Thank You for Saving the Life of...
M.


THANK YOU!

I've been searching for this type of site. I'm moving forward. Planning to fulfill my lifelong goal of going to law school, now that I'm free to do so and the kids are now out (I'm 51 and newly single). Other sites have been so much more "poor me" and it wasn't helping me one bit.

After a 25 year marriage, this is not a path I chose, but I feel like a strait jacket has been cut away and I found I had wings. This is going to be a very great thing. Thanks for your site and your support of thousands of us out here.

Hi Harlan,

I'm an Australian currently working in Barcelona (Spain) and for me being away from home has been especially hard.   I've been separated for almost a year.

Thanks to your articles however I am now looking forward to returning home confident that "Act II" will herald in a bright new life for me.
No words can express my gratitude to you and your team for the guidance, sound advice and most importantly the HOPE that you have given me since I discovered your site a month ago.
My experience is very typical of the examples you outline in your series. From the loneliness of being a new single, the loss of almost all my married friends to the relationship junkie who got burnt after jumping into another one far too early. All I can say is thank God I found your articles very soon after it ended.
I've been very lucky in that I do have a number of "security blanket friends" (great term!!) who have looked out for me during the worst of this period.

Although I have never met you , and that the likelyhood is that I will never be able to shake your hand nor give you a strong fraternal embrace I would like you to know that the impact you have had on my life will never be forgotten. Wishing you and all those dear to you the very best of health and happiness in this new year...........

Adeu
Marc


Dear Harlan and anyone who’s been contributing to these pages,

Thank you!
My husband left me two months ago, it’s been up and down. This week it was down and I found the Divorce recovery pages – I found a lot of helpful things and a lot of things I could recognize and relate to.
It’s helped me to feel better and right now I feel quite happy and determined to put him and all the agony away, to keep the contact to kids-related contact only and to find myself and have a good life without him.

Hugs from Sweden!
Maria


Your website is wonderful. I sent it to a woman who lost her husband a few years ago, and it's helped her a lot.
I just keep passing it around... seems like I know many people in these situations.
Bless you. Keep up the wonderful advice you give. It's truly helpful & uplifting. You are THE GURU of divorce & the best is yet to come.

Thanks,
You gave me back my perspective.
Robin


Harlan,

You likely do not remember me, but we exchanged a few emails about 3 years ago as I was pretty hopeless and searching for support group type of thing where I live in San Angelo, Texas. I actually never found one, but I feel like I memorized your many articles because of my viewing frequency.

This email is really just one of offering you and your assistants who continue to strive to assist others. I continue to receive your monthly newsletter and apply both the old and the new. I want to encourage you to keep up the good work! I have referred many of the people who work for me along with many others to your website for assistance and have received favorable comments from what they found.

The upside to things for me is that I am now moving on with my life on a weekly and monthly basis. Divorce wasn't a rose garden, but I want to just tell you thanks for all that you do. Keep up the good work!

R.M.


Harlan,

Well, it was a great course. My situation is a little different in that I did not lose any of my long-term friends, not one, it was my STBX that lost all of them.
She lost our mutual long term friends as well as family members through marriage, i.e. my family. The reason is that she had an affair and has a new man in her life. At first it was difficult, but I have to tell you now that 3 months later, I am so thankful it is amazing.
I still live in our house, most of the time with the kids, she moved out. I know there is no right way to split up, so it does not matter how, only that it did happen. I am speaking with women from all over my area and areas that I travel to and it has been great. I went out on 1 date and that was a lot of fun too, but I was upfront and said that I am newly single and unable to commit to anything long term, so we agreed to be friends and we have become friends. I might add that she is not my type ...physically. There are other possibilities, many possibilities of having single women as friends, but I realize that they would want something more and would hope the platonic friendship turns to something more.
I could too see me "involved" with more than one and as long as I am hones with them, well, why not! There are two possibilities of women that just want to be "serviced," and with one I have so stated it and with the other she has so stated it, but we have not met yet. I'm not sure if on the later one, that would be the right one as she is newly separated and as she said, "she just wants to relax". I think I would rather be with a physical partner that is more stable, especially more stable than me right now.

Again, I feel great, I keep very busy and the world is now open to me and I must thank you again for your help.

Very best regards,
Alex


Dear Harlan,

I just wanted to thank you for you 5-day "Secrets, and tips to move on to a great new life" email course. I just finished it up and it was very good. It bottom-lined steps to moving on in a way that was to the point, yet very realistic and helpful.

Many of the suggestions in your plan were what I have been thinking myself and it really helped to have this reinforced by what you said also. I have went to your Divorce 101 sight and have read many of your articles there also, which are very informative and really good.

I can see that you have put much time and effort into your articles and I just wanted to thank you very much for taking the time to write them. It was refreshing to find a sight that talks about the subject of divorce in a positive way to rebuilding your future, as so many dwell over and over again on the sadness and pain that comes with a divorce, they seem to keep you locked into the mode of "poor me" that is so hard to get out of without positive thinking and plans.

You articles show that this pain has to be acknowledged and dealt with, and that you can't wallow in it forever or you will never move on and grow. You articles give concrete ways to move forward with your life with a plan and to stick to the plan!

Have you written any books on this subject? If you haven't, I really think that you should as it would sell so well and so many people would appreciate it - something encouraging like:
You can recover from divorce and love your new life!

You have so much knowledge to share in such a positive way!

I wanted to let you know that I really appreciate your encouraging words of action, and I will refer to them regularly, as I am a recovering relationship addict of sorts! My 25 year marriage was finalized in January 2004, so this subject is pretty fresh to me. The real marriage was over many years ago, but I was not ready to let it go until last year, when I realized that I deserved so much more than this loveless fasad I was living in.

I plan to check out your other sights also, as I am sure they are full of recovering advice that I can use, to help myself to make it through this time and to have a better life, a life that I've always wanted and now will have! I have referred your sight to others that are going through these tough times.

I believe that your sight is one of the best on divorce recovery, keep up the fantastic work!

Thanks again!
Sherri


What an informative web page....
I am going through the pain of having to divorce my alcoholic husband. But still love him very much.
I am taking it day to day.
This website was wonderful!

Sara


Hi Harlan,

How can I thank you for the difference your information already made to my life? I am only using it for plus-minus 2 weeks now.

I am separated for 15 months already but the legal divorce is not through yet.
I do have some concern however, and you being straightforward in your advice, i do feel comfortable to share it with you. Your advice about addressing sexual needs and the suggestion that one may identify a sexual partner to take care of this need when needed, makes me very uncomfortable and, yes, it has everything to with my Christian beliefs and culture, but it also has to do with my profession as a nurse.
I have though about your suggestion and realize that most people might say that it is just not realistic to expect of adults to abstain or to use other methods of fulfilling sexual needs, against what you have suggested.
Thinking of the terrible hazard of HIV/AIDS I am even more convince that other suggestions about fulfilling sexual needs are imperative.

My thoughts to you. Your efforts are great!
May God keep on blessing you.

Regards, from Africa


I wish I would have found this months ago.
I have never seen such a complete site.
Really nice job.
KUDOS!

AK


To the Staff: Especially Harlan, Janet, Jeff, Michele, Missy and Wilda

I am newly divorced (ee). We have just signed the papers about 2 weeks ago. It has been very painful for me. For more than 22 years we both shared the commitment that here was nothing that we could not work through. It's almost shattered my belief system and I've wondered just how long our marriage was faked.

I'm on a 4 week business trip overseas and had just enough self confidence left, that I new I needed to heal while out of town. My plan was to write out, nearly an auto biography, and get it all out. For myself and my children, I needed to return home on a new path and optimistic about the future. Earlier tonight, I started by doing an internet search on "divorce recovery" and found your site. Wow !

In the last 4 hours, I have read much of what I needed to get out. I was totally surprised by your article on the Left and Leaver. It was like a blueprint. I understand why I was caught off guard and shocked. I appreciate your article on the real source of the pain coming from the addiction. And of course the motivation for this email, the warm fuzzy. I had already decided that I needed to get out to meet and greet at some point and had decided that I needed to start by having a lot of friends. I didn't need to seek a serious relationship, that a serious relationship would need to arise out of a friendship. That's what got me through high school.

I certainly have more to read and adjustments to make as a single parent, but thanks to your site, I feel better prepared and confident that I found a map to find my way.

So to everyone there that takes the time to make a difference, THANK YOU!


Thanks for the newsletter. I think I have been getting them for about 6 months now.

The way I look at me ex is as follows... like a gnat you just can't get rid of... you keep swatting the darn thing, but it keeps coming back.

I am 1 1/2 years into the divorce process, hoping to reach final agreement on all the papers real soon.

Just thought i would email you and let you know I read your newsletters and some of the information has been useful and helpful to me.

thanks and keep them coming...

Joe


Hello,

I would like to thank you and your team for helping me through the hardest time of my life.

Without getting and reading your E-Mails from divorce recovery I probably wouldn't have made it (I had more bad things than JUST a very painful separation going on).

It's tough getting up and walking again after falling down, but you made it easier.

Thanks again from Germany

Ken


Harlan,

I am out of town and I just happened to check my e-mail and received your wonderful reply. Thank you for the kind thoughts.

I am now on a journey of self-rediscovery and it is very exciting. The world is open again to me and everyday I feel a renewed sense of being, of loving, of appreciating everything again.

I have to tell you a short story that happened to me on Tuesday while I was being driven to the airport by the bus driver from the car parking company. He was an elderly African American man, who had a certain aura about him that was friendly, inviting, and very warm. Anyway, being the only passenger on the bus, and not being shy about conversing with strangers, we had a conversation that really struck a chord with me and it actually follows up on what I have been reading on your site.

The man has been following Buddhism and a certain type of Buddhism and it told me how much it has helped him in his life. I told him about my current situation and he told me two things that helped lift a heavy load off of my shoulders, heart, etc. He said "I want you to do two things. First, I want you to take full responsibility for what has happened. Whether it is true or not, I want you to take full responsibility. Second, I want you to pray for your wife's happiness."

What a concept! Take full responsibility, whether it is true or not, and then wish my wife well! My friends have been reinforcing the complete opposite. They have been saying you are the hurt one, she was the bad one, and that her life will never be as good as it was with me. These are all negative thoughts and feelings and I really do not want any more part of them. I will not be drawn into discussions about this nor encourage such talk.

What did I do? Well, waiting in the plane I placed a call to my STBX and told her that I take full responsibility and that I will pray for her happiness. She thanked me and wished me a good flight and a good trip. I have been feeling much lighter and happier ever since.

I just wanted to share that with you. I am going to explore this Buddhism philosophy as it speaks to me at this moment in time. My mind has slowed down, I am not racing to fix everything again and I can honestly look at myself now and look forward to each and every day.

Best regards,

Howard

P.S. I have your cell phone number now and I "might" just call you one day!


Harlan,

I have recently separated and in the process of a divorce. I had separated 3 other times, not that I wanted to, but my husband would kick me out every other month it seemed, because according to him, I was not loving enough. This was the last straw, I am now renting my own apartment, and of course I have been really depressed. By accident I found your website. I have no family or friends where I live, and basically not enough money for long distance calls to family to talk too.

But after finding your web site I feel so happy and calm for the first time in about a month. I was going thru such anxiety and worry for the future that the doctor prescribed anti anxiety pills for me. Everything I read in your website made me feel that yes, I can do this, I can be happy again.

Thank you so much for your web site. I felt alone and in darkness, crying all the time, afraid, helpless, feeling at fault, not good enough, but I feel so much better now.

God bless you for being there, you are a god send. I can't stop saying thank you so much.

Maria


Harlan,

Your web site helped me through many horrible nights. When I felt the lowest and most alone I could get up in the middle of the night, get online and to your site and somehow find something in the archives that would help me and then I could go to sleep. And it didn't cost me a dime. And I agree with you about almost everything.

I chose to be a survivor. I was headed to be one of those who was going to invest years in their recovery. It seemed like the only choice considering how much I loved my ex. How in the world was I ever going to live without him?

Well, I am living one day at a time without him very well, thank you. One day you wake up and decide you don't want to be in so much pain. So, you actually start working on yourself. The only person you can change. And it is a process. But a fun one.

Do I still hit my bottom??? Of course. But I bounce back so much faster these days.

No matter. I used your web site and at times it was the only thing that kept me going.

Thank you so much!
Patricia


Harlan,

This months Divorce Recovery Newsletter prompted me to write you as it mentioned seminars about divorce recovery.

I attend a huge Baptist church in Dallas Texas and help with the divorce support group every Monday night. We use the Divorce Care video tapes. But I have a divorce recovery seminar that I do for the people when their divorce is final. It is about healing the love wound and allowing the person to close that chapter in their life and moving on into the future.

Since you are such an influential person in the divorce recovery arena, it is a real shame you are not aware of the workshop we do here in Dallas.

If you are involved in or know of a large church that ministers to divorced people, I would love to come and put on one of my workshops and have you attend. Or I am offering you an invitation to come to Dallas to attend one of the workshops.

What I do is different that anything that has been done before. I'm divorced (twice) and remarried now for 10 years. For the last five years I've been training under a man that was trained by Dr. Phil McGraw. I have taken the paradyn that Dr. Phil uses in his seminars and made a divorce recovery workshop. The Dr. Phil paradyn really works. It is effective for healing people, not putting a band aide on it.

If you are interested in pursuing this just let me know.

By the way, one suggestion I have for you is this. Separate you material by pre-divorce and post-divorce. The issues are different as you know. This will help people as they peruse your material to look at the just the things they need.

Emmett


Harlan,

I wanted to personally thank you for taking the time and effort for the articles that I have been reading on the web.
I was divorced after a 27 year marriage when H committed adultery. Needless to say, I thought my world had come to an end.
Your articles have been a Godsend.

Thanks,
Paula


Hello Mr. Jacobsen,

Although I'm living in Germany right now as a civilian and very much alone (going through a divorce and a couple of other very stressful and painful happenings), reading your sites are helping me. I don't know where I'm going right now (probably still in the crying phase), but with positive thinking and trying I believe I'm getting somewhere.

I'm taking this time to thank you and your team for taking time to help me and people like me.
I'm still working through your internet sites, everyday, and learning every minute. Please keep up the good and helpful work, it's needed very much.

Thank You,
Ken


Harlan

I wanted to let you know that your site was the biggest help to me last year when I was going through my divorce and I'm sure it is for many people. I remember the day I met with the lawyer for the first time and I went out for a walk/run afterwards. At that point for the first time in my life I understood how someone could kill themselves, I was wishing for a heart attack because I knew I didn't have the guts to do it myself. BTW - I was never seriously contemplating it.

I read everything I could get on divorce (legal and emotional) and dating again and it helped a little bit. When I discovered your web site it was like a breath of fresh air. You emphasized getting on with your life and burying the past which appealed to my left brain. I threw myself into a rigorous program of self-improvement.

I made a concerted effort to keep in contact with all of my friends and to share what was happening in my life and to talk about any concerns or uncomfortable ness that they might feel. As a result of that effort I have been able to keep most of my friends. I started dating a month or two later and this was the single toughest thing which I have ever done as an adult man. Never has so many feeling of insecurity come up but I worked through that.

Fast forward a year, my life is totally different. My finances worked out okay, I don't have as much free cash flow as when I was married but I am running positive and I decide what I spend my money on. My 17 year old son has adapted to the divorce because my ex and I put him first. I have reinvented my spirituality rather than conforming to my ex's idea of the proper way.

I have learned how to dance, I am taking ethnic cooking classes. I have joined 3 singles groups which I'm not using for dating prospect but to make sure I don't have weekend evenings home alone unless I want them. I am involved with restarting a single volunteer group here is San Diego. I have studied dating theories extensively, learned how to write an online profile, attended a couple of speed dating events.

I have dated about 15 women and got into 3 short lived but fun relationships. I have learned something from each of these women and they will always have a place in my heart. I am now dating a woman who I love spending time with and who is much closer in synch.

With the adult me than my ex ever was. I don't know if it will last, if it doesn't I know that I will be okay and will find someone else. I couldn't have said a year ago when my biggest fear was "that I would never find anyone else". Most important of all, I am happy.

Anyway the real purpose of this email in addition to giving you some fuzzies which you deserve. Is to offer my help with the web site, articles, or anything else that you need.

BTW - In the last few weeks someone I work with started going through the divorce and re-dating process and hopefully I have been able to be of some help. We went out for a beer and he talked for 1 1/2 hours straight, at the end he shyly said "I think I might have done most of the talking", I reassured him that I just wanted to listen and be a friend as people had been to me a year ago.

Thanks again

Ian


Dear Mr. Jacobson,

Thanks for sharing your time, insight and wisdom with me. It was very helpful.
I have a great deal of respect for you as you took time out of your busy schedule to reply.
Thanks for all you do to improve our "Quality of Life."

Scott


Hi, Harlan -

I have read Claude Steiner's Achieving Emotional Literacy, and was thrilled to see the information you included on The Warm Fuzzy Tale. I always thought I was a giver, but after I started making a conscious effort to give out warm fuzzies (first to my children), it really was amazing.
I saw the way they responded, and it made me feel so good that I could give that to them! Now I do it with people in general, and I love the responses I get in return. What a small change, but what HUGE returns!

I just want to thank you for giving us such a wonderful website, and sharing all this helpful information with those of us who are fortunate enough to find it. You are doing wonderful work!

Warmest Regards,
Renee


Harlan,

Your site has been a great help to me in understanding the process (emotionally, finically, and spiritually) of divorcing.
I was married 20 years and was not expecting what would occur. You seem to relate to my experience as though you were there. I understand you have grown to a much greater man because of your own life changing traumas with divorce.
You spell it out so clearly. I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my broken heart for taking the time and energy to choose life over giving in to the doldrums of divorce.

David


Harlan,

This site is awesome, as a divorced father it offers the insight of a judge who has seen it all with the compassion of a very real human being.
Very liberating to know someone out there thinks the same unbiased

Craig


Thank you very much for all your articles.
I am just going through a break-up with the "Right Man" for me.

We've only been married 8 months and he has been seeing someone else all that time!  Reading your articles has helped me realize that it is not the end of the world.

Thank you very much for making me see that am not the only one going through such pain and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I appreciate you so much...especially since I have read all the articles on a lonely Sunday morning.

Harlan,

I want to thank you for sharing what you've learned about divorce and divorce recovery.
I'm glad I found divorcerecovery101.com early on in my recovery process, as it is helping me to understand and cope.

Particularly, I found the "Start Over" articles to be helpful, along with these others:
http://www.divorcerecovery101.com/pain.html (thing B)
http://www.divorcerecovery101.com/overload.html
http://www.divorcerecovery101.com/leavor.html


Sincerely,
An


Hi all!

Today I found you web site datingagain101.com and was very interested in what I found there.
When I read about the fuzzies I told myself that this I would try to do on a regular bases. I gave my first fuzzy to my 17 year old daughter and you are the recipient of the second. Thank you sooo much.

Smilingly

Paul


Hi,

I enjoy receiving your newsletter and reading articles on your website. Wish I had found it sooner, but am glad to have found it. Just read the warm fuzzy page and thought you should know.

Thank you.

Wendy


Harlan,

Even before I got to "practicing giving warm fuzzies"...I had decided to thank you deeply-- warm fuzzies for everyone, seriously!

The "fuzzies truly hit home for me--I will promulgate them at will. I wanted to start with you.
I am just getting over accepting warm pricklies (better than nothing) from my stbx.
Timing was awesome--God does work in mysterious ways. thanks again.

Tim


Hello,

I have been going through your great archive of ways to develop oneself. I can't express how helpful it all has been. I realize that the site is mostly intended for newly singles, but it's been great in helping me get started.

My name is Richard and I'm 17 right now. I stumbled on your site in a really depressed mood, wondering what was wrong with me and why my life wasn't getting any better. No one seemed to like me and my self-confidence was spiraling downward. Then I read the articles about giving warm fuzzies and have been trying to to give as many away as I could during the past week. It has worked! I'm quickly feeling better about myself and getting to know a lot more people.

Thanks you for your great site! I'll be sure to the the "Hip Man" and get the warm fuzzies flowing again during this time of hectic college applications when everyone isn't in their best mood.

Sincerely,
Richard


Harlan -

just wanted to let you and your staff know that after 3 years of being single following a 27 year marriage, I am still enjoying your newsletters and the information it offers. I have copied much of it and put it in a binder to hand out to my single women friends who do not have access to a computer.

Even though they turn up their nose at first about a "how to" text on divorce, they very quickly change their thinking and benefit from the information as much as I have.

Thanks again, keep up the good work and have a wonderful Christmas holiday.

L Johnson


You website and the emails that I have read in the last few days have been great. I have been divorced for about three months and it is a day-by-day process to healing. I try to keep my mind on me and working on my new life, but sometimes I start thinking about my ex. The information you share is great, so keep up the good work.

Thanks
Judy


I just wanted to be one of the ones to say Thanks.
Some of the things I read, I have already processed and worked through, but it is good to hear again and be encouraged that I am on the right track. Other times it's like a kick in the pants! And we all need that sometimes too. I like the email because I can save it and go back and read and re read when I need to.

It is good to know that what I am feeling or going through is also being experienced by others - often I feel really alone. So thanks again - your articles are much appreciated.

Have an awesome week!
Becky


I think you're right about divorce and addiction. I became involved with another man after my husband left and that men left too. The pain going through this divorce is excruciating because I keep telling myself I am unlovable, and only my husband can somehow fix me. It is an addictive process. So I emailed my soon-to-be ex and told him I wanted no contact with him for 21 days. I will try not to think about him in idealistic ways as he was actually quite abusive to me and it is better for me to be alone right now.

So, thanks for the advice. If it works, I will email you back in 21 days and let you know how it is going.

Sincerely,
Jennifer


I have to tell you Harlan, this is great stuff!!! I'm in the process of making changes in dating and my boundaries and guidelines and I got this for the sole purpose of adding new knowledge and idea's into the mix. I figured obviously since I was the common denominator in the dating arena I must make a few changes here and there.

I have to tell you that I find that you have wonderful and to the point advise here. I've forwarded it to several people as well.. I'm studying to be a coach and help people in the various arena's in life and this is the direction I want to go. Straight no nonsense approach. :) Luv it!

Great Job Harlan Keep up the Good Work!

Sincerely
Sue


Hi Harlan,

Just wanted to drop you a note to say thanks for all of the great information on your divorce recovery web site. I filed for divorce on 10/30 of this year, and your site has been one of the best sources of information I have found on how to start getting past it and get on with my life. It has helped me a lot!

Thank you!
Ernest


Harlan and staff,

Just wanted to pass you folks a note I how much I appreciate your site and all of the content on it. It has provided me a large amount of constructive material to rebuild myself after my divorce.
Please keep up the good work.

Thank you!
Craig


I came across your website (divorcerecovery101.com) after entering "divorce recovery" in the google search engine. I was divorced nearly a year ago, and though it gets better bit by bit, I still have to struggle sometimes to be positive. After reading the articles on warm fuzzies, I thought I should send you one and let you know that I really appreciate your site. Thanks!

Jennifer


Hi:

First than anything, thanks, thank you very much. Second: I'm not a English speaking person, so, please ignore my lack of orthographic and redaction skills.

Well, it has been hard for me since my divorce, but after a long search I found your web pages, first, divorcerecovery101.com... wow, in only a few weeks a felt complete and in my feet again, and now, datingagain101.com is coming to the rescue. It's actually sad that there's no great deal of sources for divorced people, only legal, perhaps, but there's much more to fix after that. So, I want to thank you again, and please, never go off line, many people will need from you as long as divorces keep occurring. So, thanks again and keep the good work. Bye

Jorge


Hi there,

Thank you, all, so much for the time and care that goes into the site, the newsletters and the free courses. I am right on the verge of my divorce, will be final in less than a week, so I have been spending a lot of time at your site. I, personally, am thankful to have found it before I move out (this Sunday) of my house, for I fear that if I hadn't found it, I'd be wallowing in self-pity. So...THANK YOU. :)

Best Wishes,

Amy


It has been a while since I sent a warm fuzzy thanking all of you for the outstanding information you have laid out for those of us going through a divorce. It really is the highlight of my day to get your newsletters with the helpful tips, recommendations and yes, sometimes "in your face" get over it advice. It has been 2 1/2 years and find that being reminded more than once about priorities, starting a new life, starting dating and all the other topics you cover has been extremely helpful to me.

Even the NEWSLETTER #24 received today was a wakeup call. I'm embarrassed to say I could see some of myself when you mentioned some newly single see themselves as a "guest" in the world and want others to make them feel important, secure, desirable, etc. etc. I'm going to work on that starting immediately.

I have printed off many of the newsletters to give to friends who do not have access to computers hoping they will also glean bits of wisdom to help them make the adjustment to the real world.

Again, many, many thanks for the work you do.

Linda


Hello there Harlan!

I just want to sincerely thank you for all the wonderful advices. Words cannot describe how thankful I am for being able to find your wonderful website. You're such a life saver! I feel that God had guided me to your helpful website. I've been visiting your site every single night to review the helpful guidelines and advices you have. Well, I can keep saying thank you to you but it will take forever!

Michele


To all involved in generating both the divorce and dating again websites and newsletters: A warm and fuzzy to you: As a major requirement for those of us trying to replace ourselves differently and at times mostly ignorantly in our society, your articles come as a breath of fresh air. Your articles are directly to the point, written sensitively for the hurting individual and adds a great deal of direction for the searching soul. I am very happy to have found your site and I will share it with others.

Thank you.


Just wanted to let you know how helpful your web site has been to me. I truly believe that because of your web site I am a healthier, better single person.
Your articles made me wake up and accept the pain of the divorce and move forward happily into my single life. I have made a few mistakes along the way, but I know that without your site I would of made many more. I cannot believe how happy I am being singe and knowing the difference between need and want has helped me tremendously. I do believe that these are the best days of my life.

Thank you for all your help

Judy


Just taking a moment to say "thank you" for your website! It has really spoken to me, especially the goal-setting part. I never thought to set a goal to become a happy single, and now that thought has really caused me to explore myself and my dreams, what I (single, not mother of... wife of...) want out of life. I am finally excited to be on my own!

Have a warm fuzzy-filled day! :)

Kristina


Thanks so very very much for all the time you put into offering the best therapy I've found yet for dealing in my separation/divorce.
Your site is just like a good friend and the emails sent to your ebox help a lot to!  God bless you in all you do.  This is truly a life-saver for so very many people including myself!

Sheree


Hi Harlan,

This is great, thanks I am using your advice to try and put myself back together. The 21 day program is the one I shall put into practice as soon as the STBX is gone. Unfortunately it has been a long painful, parting. Here in the UK you have to stay in the same home until financial arrangements are finalized. My STBX has been quite aggressive and unreasonable, so the healing is on hold until she has left the home.
Anyway thanks, keep the help coming, how on earth do you manage to find the time and energy to help us?

Thanks

Stephan


I really like the the strategy of focusing on the new life and putting energy into building something good. Your site is so extensive and has so much information. It has been a lifesaver.
The 5 day email course was exactly what I was needing.
Please continue to do this needed work. I will be taking the longer courses as well.

Thanks Again

Karen
Texas


Thanks Harlan:

You are a saint, an inspiration, and a great example of what giving is all about.
As a marketing executive of 24 years, in today's world, one comes to expect that the word "free" isn't free at all. Rather, it usually has a hook or sales offer attached to it. Accordingly, it's both refreshing and a bit overwhelming when one encounters generosity such as yours ... especially when it comes to helping hurting and confused folks such as myself ... folks who need some inspiration, direction, and thought leadership.
My hope is that God truly blesses you because of what you're doing.

Thanks again.
Scott


Hi,

I am a recently divorced person (1 month ago) living in Sweden.
I have been in such pain and confusion, not knowing where to find solid ground under my feet.
Then I found your homepage, and just in a few days I can see myself surviving this nightmare.
Everyday I find some advice that speaks directly to me. I can clearly see that I have about a 1000-fold better chance of speeding up my “recovery” through your accumulated wisdom.

Thanks ever so much for being out there!

Best regards,
Peter


Re: Free 5 day "Moving on Course."

Harlan,

I found the course to be very inspirational. The conversational tone and the repetition really drove home the point of each lesson. I found them to be useful enough that I saved them for rereading, rather than simply deleting them.

Additionally, what you said echoes and buttresses the reading I have been doing myself as well as what I have been talking about with my counselor. I don't think you mentioned this specifically anywhere, but in mine and other's experiences, counseling has been valuable. In my case I sought it before the marriage failed, but I have friends who went afterward. In either case it turned out to be useful.

I think this ties in with the overall theme that you developed in your short series: that this painful event can be used as a tool for making the kinds of life changes that you may not have even been able to consider while in your relationship.

The key idea is that you must take personal responsibility for your own happiness. 

I was very pleased to know that what I was doing - partly instinctually, and partly on advice from those I trust - was the "right" thing. That is, acknowledge it failed, use the experience to grow, make life changes so you'll never be in that situation again, and finally use what you know now to help you choose what you *really* want out of your next relationship and out of life.

I was going to say that #4 and #5 in particular spoke to me, but upon
rereading them - they all had something to say.

In my case, I changed my career, stopped drinking, stopped smoking, began exercising, dumped my "bad" friends, and embraced the positive. I'm still going through a huge custody battle.

I'm happy with who I am and where I'm going, and I haven't been there in years.

Again, thanks for your course. I'll be sure to recommend it to anyone I know who goes through a divorce.

Sincerely,

Jay


Thank you!  I subscribed to both the five day divorce recovery email  lessons, and the eight day dating again lessons.  I found them so useful.  I  was feeling a little apprehensive about the whole recovery and dating scene,  but now I feel very confident.  I have been putting the lessons to work, and  have seen results in a couple of weeks.

Thanks to all of you for doing such a wonderful job.

I forwarded this site on to one of my friends going through the same thing,  and she told me it was the best thing I could have ever done for her.  She  read for hours and was feeling so much better after reading your articles.

Thanks again!


I've got to admit that I can't figure your site and your email lessons out.  On one hand, I'm newly separated and am hurting ... your lessons are helping quite a bit.  On the other hand, everything is informative and free!
 
You must be the most gracious gentleman on the face of the earth.  Tell me ... why do you do it?

~ Scott from Florida


Just as you said when I first came to this website in July, my life has changed for the better.  After three years, finding myself still "Stuck", I attended local divorce support groups, read your printouts time and time again and began, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS PAINFUL AT FIRST, to attend church related singles events.  I find myself meeting and dating some very worthwhile men and becoming friends with some very nice women. Each day is better.  I thought that at my age, I was too old to start again but find that I was wrong.  I just felt that I had to thank you and to encourage others to "get out there" because a new life really does await you.

Suzy age 54


Hi Harlan,

Just to let you know. this is the second time around I have signed up for this course. I took it last year right after the separation, when the pain was so intense I could not stand it, I was going out of my mind.

I am still in pain, and I was in pain when I was with him.  I wanted to tell you that I would recommend that other people try your course a second time around after time (the great healer) has elapsed. I am finding myself somewhat more receptive to your wise advice, (I'm not quite there yet).

I am still neurotic, trying to get rescued from the pain and repeating my own patterns. At least, I am noticing it. However, I am not quite at the point of being able to change them yet. I think that your advice is sinking in, and next time I crash I might be able to make some use of it. One thing I have done is become very busy, in constructive ways. I found a job I love and feel very passionate about, and I am going back to school. single parenting is another challenge I am having some difficulties with. Anyway, I want you to know how helpful you have been through-out this difficult year, and I also want to thank you for being there. (even if I don't listen to your advice. I know you are right most of the time..

Louise


Harlan,

"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good."
-Samuel Johnson

Thanks,

Darrel


Re:  Free 5 day "Moving on Course"


Just wanted to give some feedback about the course.

(1) Splendid food for thought.

(2) It's for free? Awesome!

(3) Nice to see that I'm doing the right things, and that there's other right things I can do.

Thanks,

Jay


Harlan,

Once again I had to acknowledge how insightful and useful your articles on "Rejection" were to me personally.  
I was taking relationship rejections real personally but now understand it's part of life and EVERYONE goes through it.  Now I really feel "acceptable" as part of the human race.  Can't say thank you enough for how much this series has helped me change my outlook and feel good about myself.  At 50 years old, I was thinking "I should know all this stuff, my gosh 50 years old!"  Chuckle, like you said,  if you haven't experienced it, can be difficult knowing how to handle it.   I now have some tools to assist me in changing my "performance" rating.

Keep up the good work!

Linda


Harlan,

I'm just writing to let you know how your newsletter and website are helping me get through Divorce Hell.

My husband left me 10 months ago in the middle of a terrible situation with our 18 year old daughter (she's involved in a life threatening relationship with an abusive boyfriend).  The stress of fearing for my daughter and dealing with my husband's abandonment has just about killed me, but I'm muddling through.  There's been more times than I can count that your newsletters and website have pulled me through very dark times.  I am also going to a divorce recovery group that I found through your website and am so grateful to have that in my life right now.  Friends and family just want me to move on with my life..."you are lucky to be rid of him"...no one seems to get how hard it is to give up on a thirty year marriage except those who have gone through it too.  You are a God send, thank you so much for all you have done to help me.

Susan


Dear Harlan,

I just recently discovered your web sites. In the past year I have been getting a divorce, (she' been very difficult), and have spent tons on doctors, therapy, anti-depressants, books, and yes alcohol. Each has helped a little in one way or another but I'm still in the early stages of recovery. That is why I am so pleased to find your site. I've read a lot of your articles and subscribed to the courses and newsletters. Finally some-one giving advice who has been there/ done that. And so far it hasn't cost me a dime. I haven't even seen any ads for anything you sell. So I'll ask, do you ever do seminars in Oregon? If so could I get some info?
If not could I get info on when, where, cost, of any in the upcoming year that you are doing in other states? I'd like to thank you for the help so far, the service you provide is truly priceless.

Sincerely,

Dale


Hi, Harlan

Just a quick note to say thanks.  You are even better than a counselor!  I have cut off contact at least until after New Years.  I am doing much, much better!  I appreciate your help!!

Glenda


Harlan,

I would like to thank you for the wonderful service that you provide.  I was married for over 32 years and it was a shock.  Your information is wonderful so I urge you to keep up the good work.

Take care~

Patty


Harlan,

I stumbled upon your sites by accident.  I'm glad I did.  I have been separated from my spouse for about 7 months now and I have progressed as a "Single" person for the last 3 of those months.  I know now (but have refused to accept) that my relationship has been over and done for some time now.  I have seen the writing on the wall, but decided to delude myself into thinking that repairing my relationship would be worth it.  It wouldn't be.
After spending about 3 hours on your pages and reading past articles, I have found a lot of my current thinking and actions discussed by you.
It's wonderful to know that there is a prolific writer on the topic that is willing to take us "freshly killed" emotionally people and guide us to place of ponderance where hope and happiness can be found myself.
Maybe I can find happiness for You are right though.  I am programmed into thinking that the only way to be happy, is to be married.
Anyhow....Thanks again....I look forward to the journey.

Mark


Dear Harlan,

Thank you for your course on getting over  the demise of my 22 year marriage and 27 year relationship. I stumbled upon your site by accident I'm so glad I did as I was on the verge of suicide. Thank you again.  In one week you turned my life around for the better and I now look forward to the future as a happy person.

Steve


Harlan,

Thank you very much for your web site and all the effort and information provided. It continues to help me tremendously in going through this most painful experience of my life. I'm going on three months now, and it seems like only yesterday. I know I have much more trials and tribulations to tackle and will take it one day at a time.
Again, thank you for all you have done and your commitment to helping others.

GOD Bless You,

STEVE


Harlan:

THANKS for sharing the wisdom you have gathered and personally grown from over the years!  I am finding your writing VERY EMPOWERING!  THANKS for so generously sharing the info, strategies, empowering thoughts and UPBEAT straight talk with all of us newly singled folks.

All the best to you!

Christine


Dear Mr.  Jacobson,

It is I who should be thanking you.   I have been divorced for almost three years, but for two of those I was caring, full time, for my dying mother. I thought that I was fine, but I was really hiding in my house.  Even though I had ended the very difficult thirty year marriage, spending  a week at a business
conference with my ex and his new live-in, I became strangely upset. Find you on the internet linked me up with several local recovery and social groups that will help me, I know.  And I have also been working with a very good therapist as well.
I love the wise and encouraging tone of the newsletter pieces and have been collecting them in a notebook to read and reread.


Dear Harlan,

I want to thank you for your help. I have gained much from your 5-day mail series and also from your sites. I have actually been divorced for a few years. It took me about 5 years to get over it and I am now ending a 3 year relationship. Although the pain is nothing like the pain at the end of my marriage, I am finding it difficult to re-invent myself, mainly because I didn't do so when I should have and I tried to recapture the life I had had.
Your insight is helping me to do what I should have done a few years ago.
Thanks again,

Fran


Harlan,

Thanks for putting together you email course and the "Starting Over Again" series, they have helped me tremendously so far in my attempt to put my life back together during and after this divorce.
I am now looking for a support group in my area.  I live in the Greensburg PA area which is near Pittsburgh.
Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks Again~

Joe


Dear Harlan,

I am newly divorced (3Mo.) and tried your recovery course. Even though my divorce was long, long overdue and I was past allot of what your course teaches, I found it very helpful and supportive.
I would highly recommend your course to anyone.  As a matter of fact, I recently visited a "Parents Without Partners" meeting and gave out your Divorce Recovery 101 address.
I have been going through your Dating Again courses and I'm trying to get enough courage to get out there again.

Thanks for all good advice and support.

Sincerely,

Debbie


Harlan,

Help please. Perhaps two months ago I was on your site and found a series of 36 (or so) articles in learning to move on after divorce.   I read through all of them and took great comfort in them.   My intention was to go back and spend more time with them when I had the chance. Several of them made reference to making a "meditative" tape and I was hoping to do that for myself tonight, but can't find the articles anywhere. Can you please tell me where I can link to them, or if they are no longer posted, would you consider emailing all of them to me? I would be most grateful.

Thank you Harlan--this site has given me much hope and support.

Kathy


Kathy,  The series is Starting over, and it appears on http://www.divorcerecovery101.com center column articles listing, http://www.countrysingles.com in archives and at http://www.azsinglescene.com archives.
We are adding another series on the subject that I wrote earlier on the Divorce Recovery101 pages in the next few weeks, we will run the page address (url) of the new series in the divorce recovery newsletter as soon as the new series is up.

Harlan


Hello. I just wanted to let you know how much your website & newsletter have helped me. I suddenly found myself single again after over 10 years quite unexpectedly. I was headed down all the wrong paths as far as getting too involved with someone too soon, feeling sorry for myself, etc. I finally started getting my head together, but when I ran across your website, it was like a God-send. It helped give me that extra bit of strength & advise I needed to help me get over some major hurdles I had to becoming "happily single". I like to hike & fish & have been going on some hikes through programs at our local metro parks. I've begun to meet new single friends & am enjoying life to the fullest. I still have a way to go, but single life is wonderful.

Thank you again.

Julie


Harlan,

Hi. I've been using www.singlelifecoach.com. I have been reading the newsletter archives which have been the most helpful. You may certainly use my comments. That's part of life & recovery too, not only getting help-but also sharing it with others.

Thanks again.

Julie


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