One of the most common remarks I hear divorcing parents say is, "I just want this to be over."
In truth, for two people who have children, it's never over.
Divorce in families with children is a process, not an event.
There is the legal divorce. The property is valued and divided, the debts are allocated between husband and wife, a custody plan is developed, and support is established. All of this is written down in a document called a "final decree," which people expect to live up to its name--to be FINAL.
However, very often the property division written in the final decree requires that something (often the family home) be sold, which is easier said than done.
This makes is necessary for the couple to continue to cooperate to obtain the most advantageous sale possible. And, while the sale is pending, cooperation is necessary to make sure the property is maintained and the mortgage is paid.
The custody plan written in the final decree will need to be adjusted from time to time as the parents' and the children's lives change. The support will also need to be adjusted over time as the parents' incomes and the children's need change.
As another part of the divorce process, parents and children must learn new and different ways to interact with one another. Divorced parents often seem surprised to learn that they must continue to keep one another informed of decisions they make.
Often they must reach agreements before changes can be carried out, such as a change in residence or even a change in employment.
The point is that every major change that one divorced parent makes has an impact on the lives of the former spouse and their children. This requires ongoing interaction and communication.
It seems to be a major source of aggravation to divorced parents to have to check with their former spouse before they make a decision. They will have fantasized that once the divorce is final, what each does is no longer the other's business.
Not so. If one parent makes a major change in his or her life without first addressing it with the other parent, they may find themselves back in court litigating the aftermath of the unilateral change.
Even after the children have grown up there is interaction--graduations, weddings and births of grandchildren.
Divorcing parents who expect that when a judge signs that piece of paper called a "final decree of divorce," they will be out of one another's hair, are sure to be disappointed and often rudely enlightened in the form of post-divorce litigation.
Divorcing parents need to know that divorce changed their relationship to one another; divorce does not end it.
People who have children together are connected to each other forever. The goal should be to make that lifelong connection as peaceful and civilized as possible.
For more Anne Kass articles, go here to select from complete list of 97 articles
For listing of over 200 helpful staff articles on Divorce, go here
Home
Tell Your Divorced Or Widowed Friends About This
Article And Site, Send Them This Page Or If They Do Not Have A PC, Print
Out The Article For Them
Divorcing Parents Need To Know
That Divorce Changes Their Relationship To One Another; Divorce Does Not
End It
Send this article to a friend
Read over 300
"Life Changing" recovery articles, click here
Divorce
Recovery 101 
Divorce Adjustment Help
Home
Divorce Recovery
Site Map
Divorce Questions
& Answers
Read and/or Submit
Personal Message?
CONTACT US
Online Support
Friends Singles
Chat
Free Divorce
Newsletter
Sign Up
Here
Free 5 Day Email Divorce Course
Sign Up Here
Read and Study over 300 "Life Changing" recovery
articles, click here
Reprint Our
Articles
Information Here
1000 Helpful Single Life Links
go
here
About Us
go
here
Please tell us how
we are doing.
Feel free to make suggestions
Do it
here
How
To Link To Us
Help Others Find This Site
Search Articles
Send This Page
to "Divorcing Friends",
easy
form
Read Letters From
Divorced Folks Like Yourself,
Read
Mail
Single Life Coach
is
our site for those worked thru their divorce and are working on a great
new life as a single person
Dating Again 101 is our new site for help in
getting back into the dating world successfully
Sign up for
Free Dating
Again newsletter of tips to help make new relationships a part
of your life. Edited by Harlan.
by keyword