Don't Bad-Mouth Divorcing Parents In Front Of Children ; Criticizing a Parent Also Hurts Kids
Guest Author, Anne Kass, - a retired District Judge of Albuquerque, New Mexico

It's been said a million times.

Divorced parents should not bad-mouth each other. It hurts the children. It has not, however, been said often enough that other family member and friends of divorced parents also should not degrade either parent to or in the presence of children.

That also hurts the children.

Children see themselves as half of each parent. When children hear bad things about one parent, they hear bad things about half of themselves. If they hear bad things about both their parents, they feel that both halves of themselves must be of little worth.

I may have a special insight into this issue that comes from my childhood. Maybe some of you have had similar experiences.

Until I was 5 my parents, my brother and I lives with my paternal grandparents on a farm in South Dakota. My father is an only child. From his mother's (my grandmother's) point of view, no woman in the world ever could be good enough for her only son.

I remember that my grandmother used to criticize my mother. She'd say things to me or in my presence about my mother's shortcomings, little things such as, "Your mother can't cook or she doesn't clean house right."

I vividly remember my grandmother saying bad things about my mother. And even though I'm 45 now and I can intellectually understand what was behind my grandmother's, I can still feel the hurt I felt when she put my mother down.

When divorce happens, it's not only the parents who take sides. Often the aunts, uncles, grandparents and friends take sides as well.

Divorcing parents are always ready to tell anyone who'll listen about why the failed marriage was the other one's fault. They want family members and friends to be on their side. Often they make it known that from their perspective if you're not on their side, if you're not with them, you must be against them.

It's awfully hard not to sympathize with someone you know who's going through the pain of divorce. The sympathy can take the form of verbalizing the flaws of the other spouse. But we all need to remember not to talk about a parent's flaws to the children, and we need to be careful about talking when young ears can overhear.

Staying neutral when someone we love is going through the agony of divorce can be difficult, but it's one of the kindest things we can do their children.

The adage holds: "If you can't say something nice about someone, don't say anything at all"



For more Anne Kass articles, go here to select from complete list of 97 articles

For listing of over 200 helpful staff articles on Divorce, go here

Home



Tell Your Divorced Or Widowed Friends About This Article And Site, Send Them This Page Or If They Do Not Have A PC, Print Out The Article For Them
Don't Bad-Mouth Divorcing Parents In Front Of Children; Criticizing a Parent Also Hurts Kids
Send this article to a friend
Read over 300 "Life Changing" recovery articles, click here

Top of Page ||  Divorce Recovery 101 Index

Divorce
Recovery 101 .com
Divorce Recovery Support Group With Divorce Help, Advice, Tips, Divorce Law, Statistics And Information


Divorce Adjustment Help
Home



Divorce Recovery Site Map
Divorce Recovery
Site Map



Divorce Questions and Answers

Divorce Questions
& Answers
Read and/or Submit



Personal Message?
Personal Message?
CONTACT US


Online Support Friends Singles Chat
Online Support Friends Singles Chat



Free Divorce Newsletter
Free Divorce Newsletter
Sign Up Here


Free 5 Day Email Divorce Course
Free 5 Day Email Divorce Course
Sign Up Here


 Life Changing Recovery Articles
Read and Study over 300 "Life Changing" recovery articles, click here


Privacy Policy Reprint Our Articles
Reprint Our Articles
Information Here



1000 Helpful Single Life Links
1000 Helpful Single Life Links
go here



About Us
About Us
go here



Feel free to make suggestions
Please tell us how we are doing.
Feel free to make suggestions
Do it here



Help Others Find This Link To Us
How To Link To Us
Help Others Find This Site



Send This Page to "Divorcing Friends"
Send This Page to "Divorcing Friends",
easy form



Read Letters From Divorced Folks
Read Letters From Divorced Folks Like Yourself,
Read Mail




working on a great  as a single person
Single Life Coach  
is our site for those worked thru their divorce and are working on a great new life as a single person



Dating Again 101

Dating Again 101 is our new site for help in getting back into the dating world successfully



Free Dating Again newsletter edited by Harlan Jacobsen
Sign up for 
Free Dating Again newsletter of tips to help make new  relationships a part of your life. Edited by Harlan.


Search Articles
by keyword

Search our site:

search tips

search all 7 sites