Split Parents Learn Both Are Often Right
Guest Author, Anne Kass, - a retired District Judge of Albuquerque, New Mexico

Problems are the one thing that divorced parents have an abundance of. The most important part of that word in divorce cases is the "s". Divorced parents have lots and lots of problems.
    not enough money,

    too little time with the children,

    stress caused by the demands of single-parenting,

    children whose school performance goes awry or who begin to

    exhibit emotional troubles,

    complications caused by second marriages. . .

    The list never stops.

What people with problems need are solutions. Once again, the most important part of that word is the "s" on the end of it. There are almost always numerous solutions to any problem.

That fact seems to surprise most divorced individuals. Each tends to believe that there is only one-right-answer to any given problem. Most often each believes his or her proposed solution is the one-right-answer.

The notion that there is one-right-answer stems in large part from the way our educational process works. We are taught arithmetic and for each problem there is one right answer. We are given multiple choice tests and for each question there is one right answer. We then try to apply that approach to other aspects of our lives.

However, for social and human problems, there is virtually never one-right-answer. Rather, there are numerous answers, some of which work better sometimes but not at other times; some of which work fine for one family but don't work at all for another.

One of the greatest sources of divorce and post-divorce litigation is the conviction of each party that he or she is right and the other party is wrong. The most common attitude when people start to negotiate is, "Be reasonable. Do it my way!"

One way to stop, or at least reduce, the fighting for divorced individuals is for them to stop expecting there to be one-right-answer-- to brain-storm solutions to each problem. They will usually be able to think up at least two solutions--his and hers, but they should be pushed to come up with a minimum of four solutions to each problem. The next step is to analyze each of the proposed solutions--to list the pros and cons of each.

Finally, a solution needs to be selected--a decision needs to be made. Sometimes it will be obvious that one proposed solution is better than the others, but often not. When there is no clear "one-right-answer," it doesn't matter much "what" the decision is. It just matters that "a" decision is made, even by flipping a coin.

One of the main benefits of this process is that people can begin to see things from another perspective. Also, it is much easier for anyone to hear, "You're right in what you want, but you can't have what you want," than it is to hear, "You can't have what you want because you're wrong"



For more Anne Kass articles, go here to select from complete list of 97 articles

For listing of over 200 helpful staff articles on Divorce, go here

Home


 



Tell Your Divorced Or Widowed Friends About This Article And Site, Send Them This Page Or If They Do Not Have A PC, Print Out The Article For Them
Split Parents Learn Both Are Often Right
Send this article to a friend
Read over 300 "Life Changing" recovery articles, click here

Top of Page ||  Divorce Recovery 101 Index

Divorce
Recovery 101 .com
Divorce Recovery Support Group With Divorce Help, Advice, Tips, Divorce Law, Statistics And Information


Divorce Adjustment Help
Home



Divorce Recovery Site Map
Divorce Recovery
Site Map



Divorce Questions and Answers

Divorce Questions
& Answers
Read and/or Submit



Personal Message?
Personal Message?
CONTACT US


Online Support Friends Singles Chat
Online Support Friends Singles Chat



Free Divorce Newsletter
Free Divorce Newsletter
Sign Up Here


Free 5 Day Email Divorce Course
Free 5 Day Email Divorce Course
Sign Up Here


 Life Changing Recovery Articles
Read and Study over 300 "Life Changing" recovery articles, click here


Privacy Policy Reprint Our Articles
Reprint Our Articles
Information Here



1000 Helpful Single Life Links
1000 Helpful Single Life Links
go here



About Us
About Us
go here



Feel free to make suggestions
Please tell us how we are doing.
Feel free to make suggestions
Do it here



Help Others Find This Link To Us
How To Link To Us
Help Others Find This Site



Send This Page to "Divorcing Friends"
Send This Page to "Divorcing Friends",
easy form



Read Letters From Divorced Folks
Read Letters From Divorced Folks Like Yourself,
Read Mail




working on a great  as a single person
Single Life Coach  
is our site for those worked thru their divorce and are working on a great new life as a single person



Dating Again 101

Dating Again 101 is our new site for help in getting back into the dating world successfully



Free Dating Again newsletter edited by Harlan Jacobsen
Sign up for 
Free Dating Again newsletter of tips to help make new  relationships a part of your life. Edited by Harlan.


Search Articles
by keyword

Search our site:

search tips

search all 7 sites