Dangers of off again on again divorce
Behavior
Guest Author, Anne Kass, - a retired District Judge of Albuquerque, New Mexico

Children of divorce cases frequently pay a high price for their parents' inappropriate actions. One of the most damaging behaviors parents engage in is something we call "the ambivalent divorce". In these cases the parents go through multiple separations and reconciliations.

The children of these uncertain parents alternate between experiencing their worst nightmare (divorce) and their happiest dream (mom and dad staying together).

The severity of the damage caused by parental indecision seems to surprise some parents.

In one recent case the parents had been indecisive for more than six years. Their teenage son had lived with one parent and then the other during the separations. Sometimes the parents had lived in different states, so he had moved frequently. That had required him to change schools and friends as well as homes numerous times. His life had been one of chaos loss and disappointments.
At the age of 15 he was a lonely, sad young man.

One day he took a gun to school. He was suspended and charged with having committed a juvenile crime. The counselor, who spoke with him to help the judge decide what the proper consequence should be, provided a distressing report. He said the young man was so severely depressed, that he was a suicide risk. Indeed, when he took a gun to school, he was not being aggressive. He was being suicidal.

The major contributing factor to his suffering was his parents' unsettled relationship. His father had recently decided to marry someone other than his mother, which signaled that his nightmare would become his permanent reality. His family would never be restored. He felt helpless and hopeless. He was confused. He believed he was responsible. In addition he had no long-term friendships, partially because he had moved so often but also because he had become mistrustful of committed relationships.

Parents whose relationship with each other is not working need either to fix the problem or end their unwholesome marriage to one another. It is essential that they recognize what impact they are having on their children. Parents who can't make up their minds about their marriage must expect their children to be confused and distraught. They should also expect their children to go through life alone because experience has shown them how unsafe and painful it is to need and connect with other people



For more Anne Kass articles, go here to select from complete list of 97 articles

For listing of over 200 helpful staff articles on Divorce, go here

Home






Tell Your Divorced Or Widowed Friends About This Article And Site, Send Them This Page Or If They Do Not Have A PC, Print Out The Article For Them
Behavior
Send this article to a friend
Read over 300 "Life Changing" recovery articles, click here

Top of Page ||  Divorce Recovery 101 Index

Divorce
Recovery 101 .com
Divorce Recovery Support Group With Divorce Help, Advice, Tips, Divorce Law, Statistics And Information


Divorce Adjustment Help
Home



Divorce Recovery Site Map
Divorce Recovery
Site Map



Divorce Questions and Answers

Divorce Questions
& Answers
Read and/or Submit



Personal Message?
Personal Message?
CONTACT US


Online Support Friends Singles Chat
Online Support Friends Singles Chat



Free Divorce Newsletter
Free Divorce Newsletter
Sign Up Here


Free 5 Day Email Divorce Course
Free 5 Day Email Divorce Course
Sign Up Here


 Life Changing Recovery Articles
Read and Study over 300 "Life Changing" recovery articles, click here


Privacy Policy Reprint Our Articles
Reprint Our Articles
Information Here



1000 Helpful Single Life Links
1000 Helpful Single Life Links
go here



About Us
About Us
go here



Feel free to make suggestions
Please tell us how we are doing.
Feel free to make suggestions
Do it here



Help Others Find This Link To Us
How To Link To Us
Help Others Find This Site



Send This Page to "Divorcing Friends"
Send This Page to "Divorcing Friends",
easy form



Read Letters From Divorced Folks
Read Letters From Divorced Folks Like Yourself,
Read Mail




working on a great  as a single person
Single Life Coach  
is our site for those worked thru their divorce and are working on a great new life as a single person



Dating Again 101

Dating Again 101 is our new site for help in getting back into the dating world successfully



Free Dating Again newsletter edited by Harlan Jacobsen
Sign up for 
Free Dating Again newsletter of tips to help make new  relationships a part of your life. Edited by Harlan.


Search Articles
by keyword

Search our site:

search tips

search all 7 sites