You Are A Worthless Disposable Junk Person © 2000 Harlan L. Jacobsen How You Accepted That Idea One of the common problems I see and contine to hear from newly divorced, over and over is: when the spouse leaves the person left has often been sold on the idea, by the leavor, that they are worthless, defective and just do not measure up.. Completely "incompetent and worthless". A total failure as a person and as a mate,, or qualifying to ever again be a potential mate Right now, their self confidence is a minus two on a scale of one to ten. Many say they were scared to death their spouse might leave and they tried very hard to please, appease and do what ever necessary to keep their spouse from splitting but somehow they were just "not good enough" or maybe they feel they just did not "try hard enough". To understand what goes on here with many in these similar seperations or splits or whatever name you want to give it.  Let us just say you were the spouse that decides after 20 years that the relationship is dead and you want out. It matters not why, that you want another chance to build a life with someone, maybe anyone else...cause this is boring etc etc. You just know you have to get out of this relationship no matter what. Once one person in a marriage make that decision, (unknown to you) there is almost nothing the other spouse can do. You as the leavor here, cant just suddenly leave, you have to do the right thing, you say to yourself. So what do you do,? You start gathering evidence that your spouse is no good,doesn't measure up...very imperfect, No matter how the other person, try or whatever they do to really be a good mate, it is not noticed and it is like it is nothing. You have decided to leave and you are here on out only keeping track of their short comings. Part of this procedure is you have to tell them constantly all of their short comings you have been able to come up with that "proves they are no good for you, they are making you unhappy, that they just can not hack it etc.    As I said, no matter how hard they try, it does not make any difference how wonderful they are doing things for you etc. You will not even notice.... but you do keep track...... of every little thing you can find that they are defective and you keep telling them they are defective... Then when you get them sold on the idea they are defective...then it is okay,they agree with you they are defective,so now you can leave.  We turned this around with you as the leavor here so you can understand this is a common thing, why they do it and the result. When the leavor finally has completed the job of convincing the mate and they finally do leave, the leavee (thats the one that is left) is a person who has lost all self confidence, with destroyed ability to believe that they will ever be able to be in a great mate relationship ever again. The leavor is off to bigger and better with complete self confidence intact and pretty well adjusted to the split, after all they have known about and likely been mentally divorced for at least 6 months and they are well adjusted to the idea and even the process. Many (left people) have told me, that when they finally figured out they were not the "junk worthless discarded person" as they had been told they were and sold on and led to believe they were, that their life changed overnight. However long it takes for you to "realize" you are indeed an "attractive, okay, wanted valued desireable person," you can almost say that is how long it will take you to recover from your divorce. It will speed the process if you can understand how you got that "no good person" idea pounded into your head, over a period of time, and why it was done as a part of the "I am leaving you" process. It was them sayng I am okay, this is all because of "your shortcomings" sales pitch, that you finally accepted (believed, programmed etc) that concept so they finally could give themselves permission to leave. We will need to "unprogram" this baloney (garbage) input that you have accepted and downloaded, just remember the computer term "GIGO" because this applies to you...(means garbage input = "garbage (result) out.) You obviously have been getting garbage results in your present situation.   Tell Your Divorced Or Widowed Friends About This Article And Site, Send Them This Page Or If They Do Not Have A PC, Print Out The Article For Them Regaining Self Confidence After Divorce Requires Some Unprogramming effort Send this article to a friend Read over 300 "Life Changing" recovery articles, click here Top of Page ||  Divorce Recovery 101 Index   Site Map - Content List  || AZ Single Scene  ||  Country Singles ||  Single Life Coach  || Dating Again 101 || Subscribe to our Free Newsletter * Free 5 Day Email Divorce Course, of "Moving on to a great new life", click here *  For a Free Email 8 Day Course on Dating "Get Going"  to a better life, click here