|How you process what is happening affects happiness.|
Change the Expectation: Change Happiness
Most of your unhappiness comes from your "expectations and demands" programming mindset.
What happens out there in your world is run against your basic program mindset of "expectations and demands" you have and what comes out is unhappiness.
Your world out there rarely shapes up.
Now you can continue to beat your brains out, (which is what you have been doing) trying to get your world out there to shape up to meet your expectations and demands. Lots of work, frustration, failure and unhappiness.
or....get rid of, drop, dump, eliminate, give up, discard, delete, your expectations and demands programming.
Insert new software that replaces "expectations and demands" and simply converts them to "preferences".
Lets go over that again.....this is the "big secret" program change that can change your life.
Simply drop all "expectation and demand" well ingrained programming. (well, doing so is not so easy but that's your job) hereafter they are "preferences".
That's it....secret is right there....all you have to do is make the internal program change......
Equals big improvement in your happiness, in your personality, your desirability as dating material, your health and even your life expectancy.
Okay, Okay, you really do not understand it without writing the book....for you to wade thru...
So here is a short explanation. Lets say you expect and demand that your 4th grade son study, study and get all A's. He comes home with all C's. You are unhappy and you see to it he is unhappy.
Now with your new software changing all this to "preferences", you now "prefer" he get all A's but when he does not it does not affect yours or his happiness. He is still just as motivated, except now you do not make yourself and everyone else miserable.
Got the difference? Same happening different programming equals better result.
Lets say as a woman, you go to a singles dance and your expectation and demand is that all the desirable men there will ask you for a dance.
You are crushed when no one asks you to dance all evening and your life as a happy single person is set back six months, not by what happened at the dance, but by your expectations and demands programming.
With the all new improved "preference" software you would have preferred someone at least ask you to dance but since they did not, then you learned that you need to do a little research what you maybe did wrong, and that you could do different or improve at the next "get them to ask me to dance" practice.
You are not unhappy, you just learned you need to change a few things.
Now let's say you read Janet's article on how to ask men to dance so next dance you ask ten men to dance with you, and the first 2 turn you down.
With your old "expectation and demand" programming requiring they all dance with you, would have made you so discouraged and unhappy, you went home and got out the wine bottle.
With "you prefer" they dance with you programming you continue and wind up with 7 out of ten you ask to dance with you do so. Next dance you improve that ratio etc.
Let us take your divorce. Your expectation and demand is that your marriage should have lasted for ever. It did not meet those demands so you are unhappy.
You expected your spouse if they were leaving to go thru certain expectations and demands of the way you believe they should have done it if they were leaving and they did not so you are very angry and unhappy.
If your new "prefer" they left using a certain procedure and they did not, you are not wiped out emotionally. You realize they were not a perfect spouse and probably were not very good at leaving procedures either. If your expectation and demand was that if they are leaving you must have your standard of living maintained.
Well, what income used to support one household must now support two households so you are very unhappy with your divorce outcome when you must lower your standard of living.
Your expectation and demand programming rarely deals with reality. So you are very unhappy even when it makes no sense. Change to "preference software".
Since we are to busy to write the book we will just tell you that in order to implement this change you will have to consciously work at this program switch every time something happens in your world that makes you unhappy.
You will need to do this for 21 days and if you do a good job of consciously making the change, after that it will be automatic and your life will be changed forever.