To Find a Better Romance, Hang out
With Your Friends
© 2002 Janet Jacobsen
To Find a Better Romance, Hang out With Your Friends
Many singles put all their energy
into finding a romance rather than into finding friends. They attend
singles events until they meet a "likely prospect."
- After dating a while, they
conclude that the relationship doesn't have a future and drop one
another, heading back to singles groups to find
another "prospect," meanwhile complaining bitterly
about having "wasted" time on the previous
What if instead they met people, developed a circle of friends
to "hang out" with, got to know folks without a lot of
By getting acquainted gradually without the pressures of
dating, discover who really is special and
then date each other, when you're
already friends and well acquainted.
Think back to your kid days. You "hung
out" with other kids after school, after ball games, at
somebody's house or at the park on weekends.
You got to know people well not
because you were always doing "special" things together,
but because you weren't. You were spending real time – games,
lunches, washing the car, walks, and mostly just
talking and hanging around.
Ah but, you may complain, you don't have that much time for friends any
more. Listen: meeting friends on your lunch
hour doesn't take any longer than a lunch hour alone.
Taking your kid to the park doesn't take any longer when you've
invited other folks and their kids to show up too.
Spending the afternoon at the street fair takes an afternoon whether you
go alone of with a group.
See? Change your way of looking at the things you're doing and
always ask yourself, could I include other people too, to get to know
them and make this even more fun?
The point of hanging out
is to develop and maintain friendships.
- The bonus advantage is that you get to
know people well without dating, and discover
who is special enough to date.
- But there are some rules for hanging out that you have to
1.Everybody pays their own way.
"Letting" someone pay for you takes it out of friends and
into dating and spoils the hanging out, for you and sometimes
for the others there too.
2. When it comes to friends, both sexes count. You
don't always have to have equal numbers of men and women when you're
hanging out, but if you're the only member of your sex present, after
awhile the opposite sex is going to think this is. more about your ego
than about friendship and stop showing up.
3. Everybody is with everybody.
Nobody gets to monopolize anybody; people can and should socialize
with the whole group.
4. No clock watching. OK, so it's a 6:40
movie, everybody needs to show up before 6:40, but in general "hangin
out" allows a lot of time flexibility. Some people can
come along for an hour or two, others longer, others less. No
5. Everybody calls everybody.
When you're talking abut friendships, the ancient dating adage that women
shouldn't call me does not apply. You call your friends;
you invite friends to do things together.
Hanging out is working on friendships ? everybody calls everybody.
To have friends as a single adult means putting yourself out
a bit, taking some initiative. As
"The only way to
have a friend is to be one." And one of the best ways to
do that is to recapture the lost art of "hanging
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Developing and hanging out with single
friends leads to better dating relationships
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