Divorce Blunders Divorce "Blunders" To Avoid

Harlan Jacobsen Copyright 2003     More "Blunders" on Page 2

In getting across the divorce adjustment stream in a short time, you need to get all the "stepping stone" rocks in place. Missing even one can hold things up.

This article is about the "slippery rocks" many have fallen off of in getting across their adjustment stream, and we are alerting you here to be aware and watch out for these as you cross.

  • Speed up your working thru your divorce adjustment process, by avoiding the costly and embarrassing "slippery rock" blunders that even the newly divorced most successful in the "moving on process" have made!

    Mistakes can change your life! 
    Man has an advantage over animals, they can learn from people who have gone before them. Animals, are likely to repeat the same mistakes their ancestors made.

      A smart person learns from their own mistakes, a *really* smart person learns from OTHER people's mistakes! I know that if you are aware and avoid these blunders, this will give you a head start mentally, emotionally and financially over where you'll be if you don't avoid these common blunders.

        Learn from the mistakes of people who are out there making their great new life as a single person work every day.

      You can get there "even faster than they did!"

    If someone gave you a blueprint of "what not to do", and another blue print on "what to do", picture in your mind how that could help your working thru the divorce process, regardless of what stage you are in.

    What's the quickest way to move from the pain of your divorce to a new better life?

    • The answer is by tapping into the minds of single people who have been thru this and have moved on to a new and better life. Successful single life means a move up for the recently divorced and being able to say, have "been there, done that."

Many did not have anyone to fall back on, ask questions of, or learn from.

  • Many took years and had to make their own way.

Have you "been there" trying to make your own way?

    It's frustrating and it takes time. Moving on from divorce is not easy and certainly not overnight, especially when you blindly repeat the mistakes others have made.

Are you tired of going it on your own?

    Let me ask you: Wouldn't it be great to zip past the "experimental" efforts and avoid the slip-ups?

    • We lay out here what has worked for others and in this article will point out just a few major blunders, those who have gone before you have made.

      The Goal is to build and maintain a successful conversion to a new and better life in a reasonable short time.

      • These Blunders, listed here, are all very important aspects but no one person can be a blunder expert. Blunders listed here are from the "wrong turn" experience of many and you can now avoid repeating them..

      Our aim is to gather and bring you the knowledge and expertise they have accumulated in adjusting to a divorce.

      • Can one successful single person know everything to avoid in great detail, no way. A single mentor is great, but no one can do it all in leading you thru the divorce wilderness. Even the very successful, who quickly move on to a new life, have had successful single life mentors who had blunders ("slippery rocks".)

        • Your best help in addition to what you learn here, may be to learn from a singles group of singles who have come together to share their new life as a successful single information.

      Why reinvent the wheel? If someone else has suffered the pain and eventually worked thru, why should you get hung up in the pain stage.

      What's the harm with learning from someone else's mistakes.

      How do you go about finding good single life mentors?  How do you ask them to reveal their learned lessons?  What questions would you ask? 

          Well, we have asked thousands.

            Now...you can save a lot of time and take advantage of our research and archiving of what works from the experience of thousands, or you can just bumble along repeating many of mistakes many others have repeatedly made.

            But why do that when others have already done it and we have passed their experience on for you?

            "We try here to make it easy reading," well understanding that it is hard to concentrate on much reading when in the dark stages of divorce.

            You, I am sure, want to move out of the pain and on to a new and better life, as quickly as you can,

            There are two ways you can do that: 
            1) The hard way.  That's by personally going through the painful lessons many of our single friends, and I, have learned, and not be aware of, therefore repeat many of the same mistakes we've personally made in adjusting to divorce over the years.
            2) The smart way.   That would be from reading up and a study of the subject on our well-researched articles about the "moving on from divorce" reality.

            My advice? Choose the *smart* way!

            Information at this site can save you tons of time and pain,-- not to mention heartache.

              This site is like an information banquet, available to you 24/7. Why suffer from your divorce process information hunger, come back and pick up what you need daily. It is all free. No credit card needed.


            BLUNDER:  Mixing Legal and Emotional Divorce.

            LEGAL Divorce, what usually happens, varies from state to state and judge to judge.

            Assets acquired during the marriage , such as property, pensions, stocks, etc are usually split by the court, or by mutual agreement, something close to 50-50. 

            • If not worked out between the parties, then the court makes the decisions.  Usually considerable attorney fees on both sides are then added in.

            The house usually goes with the "caregiver" for the children.

            Often the house is set to be "sold" when the children grow up and move out and the proceeds split.

            When one spouse has never worked, the court will, if money available often grant spousal support and money for college or training etc.
            for a period to get the spouse "self supporting"
              Some states will grant child support and spousal support til the children grown, others "alimony" til remarried etc.

            NOW THE BLUNDERS:

            Mixing Emotional divorce with Legal divorce.

              1.  One party is so emotionally upset and in pain, and wants the process ended immediately.   I want "little or nothing, take it all, I just want out", now.

              2.  The "leavor" has a new life staked out and feels "guilty" the other is in emotional devastation so they say "take what you want, I just want to get on with life".

              3. How dare they do this to me, I want revenge, I will show them, I will take them for everything they have got.

              4. Seeking (revenge) so much child support and spousal support the other party is denied being able to maintain any normal standard of living.

                     a.  Spouse drops out of the normal commerce, they disappear and the "grabber"  and the children get nothing.

                      b.  They feel their Life "is out of control" and they commit suicide.

                      c.  You have read about this one, hire someone to do "away" with the revenge person.

                       d.  They refuse to pay anything and the court tries throwing them in jail, does not change the amounts due and the court eventually "gives up" since the "payer" obviously has difficulty paying when in jail.  Result nothing.

              5.  Blunder, many women tell me they made this one. 

              Moving out of the house before the divorce settlement. 

              This seems to nullify their chances or interests in the house and their need for the house to "survive".

              6.  Blunder, many women tell me this one also.

                Never working and then going out and seeking employment,
                before the divorce is settled.  The court apparently considers that you have proven
                you can be self supporting.

              7.  Child custody person attempting to restrict hamper or prevent contact by the other parent with the children as part of the "revenge" motive. 
                They find this is the one way that "upsets" the former spouse and they use this to get even and/or control the former spouse.

              This is all "bad for the children" by making them pawns.

              8.  The person that was more or less "in
              control"  during the marriage usually maintains this and "dictates" the divorce settlement terms.

              The permissive person needs to be aware, if also in an emotional distraught state, will usually "blunder" and get "taken" in the divorce settlement.  They will be "told" what they can take from the marriage and are usually coerced into accepting it.


            The previous Blunders where "emotional adjustment" that can cause you to make big mistakes in the legal divorce process that could cost you big bucks and also have some further emotional repercussions in the coming apart process..

            The next Blunders will have a big influence on how your future relationship life goes.

            Results of dating and getting into big involvements, "too soon" after divorce.

            1. The breakup of any new involvement will often double the divorce trauma you have not yet worked thru...and make you a basket case.

            2. The breakup of a new too soon relationship, will often (for those who have not yet gotten their self esteem back, after the divorce rejection) result in the person deciding they are defective, "not relationship material" and withdraw from relationships for life.

            3. Until you have worked thru your divorce trauma, you are not yet playing with a "full deck" and do a lot of "dumb" things, including getting into big involvements with the "wrong for you" people.

            4. Being "rescued" from relationship withdrawal pain by Mr. or Ms 'Wonderful means your processing your way thru it has been put on hold, this means your divorce will affect the relationship with your emotional "mixed up" unresolved issues. You give control of your "happiness" to someone else who can and as a result, is likely to leave and take it with them.

            5. Not waiting until your emotional ups and downs handling capacity is fully available and tuned to the normal ups and downs of dating, and you have had the time to learn and practice some skills in "dating again", it will likely be a "disaster" experience" and can be a major blunder setting you back for a long time.

            More insight.... Go to Divorce Recovery 101


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