In getting across the divorce adjustment stream in a short time,
you need to get all the "stepping stone" rocks in place.
Missing even one can hold things up.
This article is about the
"slippery rocks" many have
fallen off of in getting across their adjustment stream,
and we are alerting you here to be aware and watch out for these
as you cross.
Many did not have anyone to fall back on, ask
questions of, or learn from.
- Speed up your
working thru your divorce adjustment process, by avoiding
the costly and embarrassing "slippery rock"
blunders that even the newly divorced most
successful in the "moving on process" have made!
Mistakes can change your life!
Man has an advantage over animals, they can learn from people who
have gone before them. Animals, are likely to repeat the same mistakes
their ancestors made.
A smart person
learns from their own mistakes,
a *really* smart person learns from OTHER
mistakes! I know that if you are aware and avoid these
blunders, this will give you a head start mentally,
emotionally and financially over where you'll be if you don't
avoid these common blunders.
Learn from the mistakes of people who are out
there making their great new life as a single person work
get there "even faster than they did!"
If someone gave you a blueprint of "what not to do", and
another blue print on "what to do", picture in your mind
how that could help your working thru the divorce process,
regardless of what stage you are in.
What's the quickest way to move from the pain of your
divorce to a new better life?
- The answer is by tapping into the minds of single people
who have been thru this and have moved on to a new and better life. Successful
single life means a move up for the recently divorced and being
able to say, have "been there, done
- Many took years and had to make their own way.
Have you "been there" trying to make your own way?
It's frustrating and it takes time. Moving
on from divorce is not easy and certainly not overnight,
especially when you blindly repeat the mistakes
others have made.
Are you tired of going it on
Let me ask you: Wouldn't it be great
to zip past the "experimental" efforts and
avoid the slip-ups?
- We lay out here
what has worked
for others and in this article will point out just a
few major blunders, those who have gone before you have made.
is to build and maintain a
successful conversion to a new and better life in a
- These Blunders,
listed here, are all very important aspects but no one person can be
a blunder expert.
Blunders listed here are from the "wrong
turn" experience of many and you can now avoid repeating them..
Our aim is to gather and
bring you the knowledge and expertise they have accumulated
in adjusting to a divorce.
- Can one successful single person know
everything to avoid in great detail, no way.
A single mentor is great, but no one
can do it all in leading you thru the divorce wilderness.
Even the very successful, who quickly move on to a new
life, have had successful single life mentors who had
blunders ("slippery rocks".)
- Your best help in addition to what you learn
here, may be to learn from a singles group of singles who have come
together to share their
new life as a
successful single information.
Why reinvent the wheel?
If someone else has suffered the pain and eventually worked thru, why should you get hung up in the pain stage.
What's the harm with learning from someone else's mistakes.
How do you go about finding good single
life mentors? How do you ask them to reveal their learned lessons? What questions would you ask?
Well, we have asked thousands.
Now...you can save a lot of time
and take advantage of our research and archiving of what works
from the experience of thousands, or you can just bumble along
repeating many of mistakes many others have repeatedly made.
But why do that when others have already done it and
we have passed their experience on for you?
"We try here to make it easy reading," well understanding that it is hard to concentrate on much reading when in the dark stages of divorce.
You, I am sure, want to move out of the pain and on to a new and better life, as quickly as you can,
There are two ways
you can do that:
1) The hard way. That's by personally going through the painful lessons many of our single friends, and I, have learned, and not be aware of, therefore repeat many of the same mistakes we've personally made in adjusting to divorce over the years.
2) The smart way.
That would be from reading up and a study of the subject on our
well-researched articles about the "moving
on from divorce" reality.
My advice? Choose the
Information at this site can save you tons of time and pain,-- not to mention
This site is like
information banquet, available to
you 24/7. Why suffer from your divorce process information hunger, come back
and pick up what you need daily. It is all free. No credit card needed.
|DIVORCE PROCESS BLUNDERS:
BLUNDER: Mixing Legal and Emotional Divorce.
LEGAL Divorce, what usually happens, varies from state to state and judge to judge.
EQUAL DISTRIBUTION OF ASSETS,
Assets acquired during the marriage , such as property, pensions, stocks, etc are usually split by the court, or by mutual agreement, something close to 50-50.
- If not worked out between the parties, then the
court makes the decisions. Usually considerable attorney fees on
both sides are then added in.
usually goes with the "caregiver" for the children.
Often the house is set to be "sold" when the children grow up and move out and the proceeds split.
When one spouse has never worked, the court will, if money available often grant spousal support and money for college or training etc.
for a period to get the spouse "self supporting"
Some states will grant child support and spousal support til the children grown, others "alimony" til remarried etc.
NOW THE BLUNDERS:
Emotional divorce with Legal divorce.
1. One party is so emotionally upset and
in pain, and wants the process ended immediately. I want
"little or nothing,
take it all, I just want out", now.
2. The "leavor" has a new life staked
out and feels
"guilty" the other is in emotional devastation so they
say "take what you want,
I just want to get on with life".
3. How dare they do
this to me, I want revenge, I will show them, I will take them for everything they have got.
4. Seeking (revenge)
so much child support and spousal support the other party is denied being able to maintain any normal standard of living.
a. Spouse drops out of the normal commerce, they disappear and the "grabber" and the children get nothing.
b. They feel their Life "is out of control" and they commit suicide.
c. You have read about this one, hire someone to do "away" with the revenge person.
d. They refuse to pay anything and the court tries throwing them
in jail, does not change the amounts due and the court eventually
since the "payer" obviously has difficulty paying when in jail. Result
5. Blunder, many women tell me they made this one.
Moving out of the house before the divorce settlement.
This seems to
their chances or interests in the house and their need for the house to "survive".
6. Blunder, many women tell me this one also.
Never working and then going out and seeking employment,
before the divorce is settled. The court apparently considers that you have proven
you can be self supporting.
7. Child custody person attempting to
restrict hamper or prevent contact by the other parent with the children
as part of the "revenge"
They find this is the one way that
"upsets" the former spouse
and they use this to get even and/or control the former spouse.
This is all
"bad for the children" by making them pawns.
8. The person that was more or less "in
control" during the marriage usually maintains this and
"dictates" the divorce settlement terms.
The permissive person needs to be
if also in an emotional distraught state, will usually "blunder" and get "taken" in the divorce settlement. They will be "told" what they can take from the marriage and are usually coerced into accepting it.
NEXT: EMOTIONAL AND PROGRAMMING BLUNDERS
The previous Blunders where "emotional adjustment" that
can cause you to make big mistakes in the
legal divorce process that could cost you big bucks and also
have some further emotional repercussions in the coming apart process..
The next Blunders will have a big influence on how your future
relationship life goes.
THE DATING TOO SOON "BLUNDER".
Results of dating and getting into big involvements, "too soon" after
- The breakup of any new involvement will often
divorce trauma you have not yet worked thru...and make you a
- The breakup of a new too soon relationship, will often
(for those who have not yet gotten their self esteem back, after
the divorce rejection) result in the person deciding they are defective,
"not relationship material" and
withdraw from relationships for life.
- Until you have worked thru your divorce trauma, you are
not yet playing with a "full deck" and do a lot of "dumb"
things, including getting into big involvements with the
"wrong for you" people.
- Being "rescued" from relationship withdrawal
pain by Mr. or Ms 'Wonderful means your processing your way
thru it has been put on hold, this means your divorce will
affect the relationship with your emotional "mixed up"
unresolved issues. You give control of your
"happiness" to someone
else who can and as a result,
is likely to leave and take it with them.
- Not waiting until your emotional ups and downs
is fully available and tuned to the normal ups and
downs of dating, and you have had the time to learn
and practice some skills in "dating again", it will likely
be a "disaster" experience" and
can be a major blunder setting you back for a long time.
More insight.... Go to
Divorce Recovery 101
MORE BLUNDERS TO
Tell Your Divorced Or Widowed Friends About This Article And Site, Send Them This Page Or If They Do Not Have A PC, Print Out The Article For Them
What You Find Here Can Change Your Life
Send this article to a friend
Read over 300
"Life Changing" recovery articles, click here
of Page || Divorce
Recovery 101 Index
Divorce Adjustment Help
Free Divorce Newsletter
Sign Up Here
Free 5 Day Email Divorce Course
Sign Up Here
Reprint Our Articles
1000 Helpful Single Life Links
Please tell us how we are doing.
Feel free to make suggestions
Do it here
How To Link To Us
Help Others Find This Site
Send This Page to "Divorcing Friends",
Read Letters From Divorced Folks Like Yourself,
Read and Study over 300
"Life Changing" recovery articles,
is our site for those worked thru
their divorce and are working on a great new life as a single person,
Again 101 is our new site for help in getting back into the dating world
Sign up for
Free Dating Again newsletter of tips to help make new
relationships a part of your life. Edited by Harlan.
here to sign up
Free Email 8 Day Course, on Dating Again, "Get
Going" to a better life. Start your course by sending a
shop, online support,
Country Singles is our midwest Newspapers online site
with midwest singles clubs calendars, personals,
archives of articles etc.
Our Free Country Singles
by Janet Jacobsen
newsletter with Janet's tips on being single in Arizona
AZ Single Scene is our Arizona newspapers online
site. With AZ singles clubs calendars of events, AZ personals, Articles
selected by Janet Jacobsen, archives of articles etc.
AZ Personal Ads,
18 Wheel Singles is our web site for those in the
trucking industry and interested in meeting those in the industry
out our other sites we maintain,
Speed Up Divorce Recovery,
How Your Divorced Life Can Get Better
Places After Divorce,
Divorce, What Happens Next?