Singles, they say are up and
down - unreliable, here today, gone tomorrow and other
- Many singles are indeed, total
helter-skelter and seem, from outward appearances, to thrive on
that for a little while.
- But many more suffer from severe
anxiety and extreme ups and downs of depression and unhappiness as a
result of instability.
As I see it, one of the reasons for this is
that many have no direction or purpose to their lives, or in short
- no goals or direction. They are sort of
bouncing off the wall taking whatever comes.
Hopefully, they are just
"killing time until Mr. or Ms. Right comes along". Marrieds (happy
types), usually have some goals or purpose.
- Getting the kids thru school, saving up for the
big trip, moving to a bigger or better house, striving to achieve
some goal in whatever it is they are trying to do together.
- Often when they reach that goal and they have
no new goal, when they get the kids thru college or move
into the house they always wanted, with no common goal left, the
marriage falls apart.
Their married life, and life in
general, doesn't seem to be as good anymore. They split, searching
for the answer, become single and still neglect to set new goals,
and still they are unhappy.
Sometimes as a newly singled person they
set out to prove they can do it on their own and set new
This group of
singles, that do get on to the importance of goals in relation to
their singles happiness quotient, get along much better.
Those under stress, who are the
ones not tying themselves to any goals because the "big relationship
lightning" might strike and change it all anyway, are not the ones
that are leading a happy meaningful life from my observation.
- It is far better to set personal,
meaningful goals as a single, and be constantly working toward them.
This will give equilibrium.
- Your subconscious, which is a goal seeking mechanism,
quiets down anxieties, body stresses and
up-tightness, and gets to work evaluating and processing
everything else in line with these goals.
Only something very good and very
concrete can cause you to revaluate or change your goals.
- This gives stability and purpose (and a
greater degree of happiness and tranquility) to a life
that often finds this aspect missing when becoming suddenly
- To those newly singled and are yet unsure what they want to do with
the rest of their lives, I would suggest a 6 month to
a year experimental single period of growth where they try
a variety of new things, new friends and attitudes, philosophies, etc.
need to find what is really right for them.
This may be the
first and last
opportunity of their lifetime to really be free to get to know
themselves and the world.
In the meantime you do need
some goals. My suggestion is to
make your goal for the next year,
primarily (with other goals) to learn to live happily as a single
person and learning to live and enjoy life to its
You should set and be achieving exciting goals that are beyond your present reach which will enrich your
life and provide fulfillment.
When your subconscious is programmed
thru spaced repetition that your goal is to succeed
at developing a happy single life, your entire outlook, actions
and reactions will change overnight.
- You have been bouncing off the wall, this way and that, not sure
whether you are desperately trying to get married
again, or avoiding serious relationships at all costs.
- You are in a vacuum as to what you are doing for sure. Make a
decision as to what you are trying to do!
- To stop drifting, and to
make a decision
to learn to lead a happy life
subconscious has accepted this goal and it is constantly repeated to
yourself thru daily audible and visible repetition, your subconscious
will automatically, without conscious effort on your part, come up
with ideas and decisions that will put you in a much happier frame of
- Don't worry about how or what it will do. Inspiration will hit you, out of the blue, that will lead
to new happiness if followed.
- Everything will then be evaluated in light of what is best for your
new happier fulfilled life. "Will this action make my life happier
and better or will it detract from that happiness?"
- You will
automatically put yourself in
the right places at the right times and if you follow your
hunches, do whatever gives you the greatest joy in life.
if you want to be lonely,
miserable and keep feeling sorry for yourself, bemoaning
your fate, go ahead and keep giving your subconscious that kind of
- That things are supposed to be bad - and it will see to it that
you continue to be in all the wrong places doing the wrong things
that will keep you
Setting goals is a long subject
and hard to cover in a short article.
- As we have said most people spend more time planning a weekend
then they do planning the rest of their life.
Figure out what it is you want to do and
program yourself that way, by getting and keeping your goals
in your subconscious thru spaced repetition, looking at them and
repeating them out loud 3 times a day, thru Bristols mirror
technique, self hypnosis, meditation, prayer or whatever other
method is best for you to get thru to your subconscious goal seeking
- Your subconscious is the quarterback in your game of
single life. It calls the plays but we must coach it properly
so it knows what plays to call.
- You are a goal seeking mechanism and if you give your
quarterback the right positive instructions,
you will succeed in having a happy single life, if
that is your goal.
- If you learn to quit giving yourself confusing negative
instructions along the way your quarterback will call the plays
ingeniously. So much so that it will amaze even you, the things you
- When you coach your subconscious with opposing negative and
it gets all tied up in
- How your quarterback calls the shots is dependant upon your
- When you give worry, anxiety, fear, self doubt, etc. to your
quarterback you paralyze his abilities to win the game of a
happy single life.
When you are
calm and self confident and giving your
quarterback (your subconscious) positive instructions, goals (the name of
the game) then it functions at full peak capacity, calling all the
right plays at the right time.
If you do not
feed your desires (goals)
into your subconscious it will feed on
the thoughts and
images that reach it accidentally through your neglect.
- A human being can create nothing until he or she can
first conceive it in the form of an impulse of
- Thought impulses, a visualization of what you want to bring
about, begin immediately
themselves into their physical equivalent.
Whether these thoughts are voluntary or
involuntary, it happens. If you visualize what you fear or
worry about, you help bring it into being. Your subconscious mind
doesn't care whether you visualize something accidentally or on
purpose, voluntarily or involuntarily.
- Keep fear out of your mind by
concentrating upon a mental picture, a definite visualization on
the motion picture screen of your mind of your goal, your greatest
- If you picture yourself as always being alone, miserable or
whatever, your subconscious will see to it that you do things to
keep you that way or that you will refuse to do things that will
get you out of that mood.
If you constantly visualize yourself as having fun, being with
friends and having superb relationships, then your subconscious will
soon see to it that you do the right things to put you in that
- Do not worry about the details of how
you are going to develop a happy, fulfilled single life if that
is your goal.
keep visualizing that and going
over that with your self several times a day.
- Do it now, and save months, or even years, of being
There is absolutely no
need to be miserable for a period of one or two years--which is
common when a divorce occurs.
It is one of the great
tragedies that people suffer needlessly,
simply because they do not know or refuse to do what is necessary
to get themselves out of it and on to the mainline of a happy, new
life of freedom.
Related Information: Long Article On
Outside link, Ten Commandments of Goal Setting
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