Fundamentals For Going Out....

The key ingredients you need to get your social life back in gear

by Harlan Jacobsen
copyright 1996 by Single Scene Newspaper

One thing is for sure, you need companionship and you should have discovered by now that you're certainly not going to meet Mr. or Ms. Wonderful sitting home watching TV.

Unless you fall in love with the mailman, odds are Mr. Right or Ms. Terrific are not going to come knocking on your door. It is going to take a lot of effort on your part, a lot of personal discipline to get dressed up and go out when it would be much easier to take a hot shower and go to bed.

True, you have to be alone for a while to get up enough "tired of being alone" motivation to get yourself going. But now that you have made up your mind to try it again, let's see what we can do about changing your attitude. Your attitude will make the difference between being bitter about results or, with the right attitude, life can be pretty good.

If you're still smarting from the divorce or your last big hurt, read some good books on a positive mental attitude. Remember, everybody has scars from emotional hurts, just as everybody has problems and troubles. If you could see other people's problems, I am sure you would usually wish you had yours back.

With your new positive mental attitude, you will be looking for the good in the people you meet and confident in expecting to find that it is indeed a great world.

Eliminate "can't" from your vocabulary and also take a good whack at "impossible" and "I don't want to." If you think it is "impossible" to find an exciting person to spend the evening or a lifetime with, well then, it probably is.

A negative attitude about single life is something you have to fight. You need to gain confidence that you are a great person in a great world and you are out to meet a great companion. Everything else is going to take a back seat until you firmly develop this positive outlook.

You are a product - a singles product. If you want to attract the right person, then you have got to make yourself the right person for someone else.

Part of being that right person is, as we said, your attitude.

If you're still sour grapes over your divorce, or whatever, you are probably not going to be the right person for anyone. Work on being a positive personality.

Okay, let's say we now have your mental attitude straightened out and we now need to polish up and package the product (you).

Basically we all have about the same materials to work with: the difference is how we shape it up and package it. In short, our image.

All the world is really a stage and are you showing the image that you really want to show? Sort of step out of your body and stand back and take a good look at yourself. Are you put together and packaged to be attractive, a wanted commodity to the opposite sex?

Re: Clothes. Select clothes that match your shape and colors that complement your coloring. Avoid anything far out until you really know where you are. No extremes, but do buy clothes that are fashionable.

Re: Hair. If you or a friend can cut your hair in a professional manner, fine. Otherwise, this is one area you're probably going to have to continually spend a few bucks for professional assistance.

For men and women, there is one basic fundamental that should not be overlooked: a good daily shower plus one before going out.

Underarm deodorant along with brushing the ivories are also fundamentals that shouldn't be overlooked.

Basically, show the other person you care about your appearance, and make it a habit you do automatically, even when you are relaxing over a weekend.

Men and women both - don't comb your hair, etc., out in public.

Primp in privacy.

You will soon find which clothing or appearances (hair style, etc.) work the best for you. I have even heard of women bringing a change of clothing, wig - etc., along to a dance and if something isn't working or just not right, change. Now that might seem a little extreme to you but it does illustrate that packaging can make a difference.

But most of all, package yourself so that you have complete confidence you can successfully compete with all those other packages.

Your attitude and self-confidence are going to have as much to do with your success and popularity as anything else, and they don't cost you a nickel. If you have some physical impairment, remember you aren't competing on a purely physical basis. Intellectually, you can compete 100%, so don't let physical impairment slow you down.

Now that you have confidence, you have the right attitude and right packaging, you haven't skipped and fundamentals- then you are ready to move into a new game. It's called get out and see and be seen as often as possible, as much as possible. Soon great things will happen.