Learning to spread fuzzies everywhere you go in your New Life After Divorce

A Warm Fuzzy Story

Everyone used to give out warm fuzzies freely, they never ran out

We tell a warm fuzzy story in our classes, an adult fairy tale written by psychologist Claude M. Steiner, Ph.D.

This fuzzy story carries a lot of impact with many going thru the stages of divorce, and developing new relationships and new life styles.

Basically, what the story says,....
.... is that in this imaginary story-land everyone had a bag of warm fuzzies which......
..... they reached into and gave out freely to everyone they met.

Getting these warm fuzzies made people feel good....if they did not get any..........
.......... warm fuzzies at all....... they shriveled up and died.

A wicked witch noticed that everyone getting lots of warm fuzzies became happy and no longer needed to buy her potions and salves.

So, she started a rumor that their bags of fuzzies would run out .......
,,,,if they gave out fuzzies to everyone.

As a result of this rumor, some became jealous if someone they liked gave fuzzies to others, because they feared there wouldn't be enough for them, unlike the unlimited supply they had always thought available in the past.

Soon they were giving out so few fuzzies that some people started to shrivel up and die.

The witch didn't want to lose any prospects, so she developed a cold prickly, which didn't feel good but kept you from dying.
Some coated these to look like warm fuzzies, and made plastic fuzzies.

We won't tell you how this whole story comes out, letting you hear it in one of the classes one day. -

It does bring home several things for us that we need to think about and become aware of. In the classes, we do an exercise right after this story where we write on slips of paper some nice thing we noticed or feel about three different people in the room.

We then get up and pass these “fuzzies” out when all are done writing.

It is amazing, the first time they do this how hard it is for some to think of, and write down even three nice things about three nice people in a room of 50 or 60 people.

In other words they find it difficult to give out fuzzies or good feelings about others.

They may be used to using, exploiting and manipulating others to get what they want, but are unable to give to others, or inexperienced in giving to others.

We take from others in time and feelings, and if we give nothing in turn the relationship fades away.
So, how can we be ready to develop new relationships when we have not yet learned to share and to give?

These people take fuzzies from others, they make withdrawals from others, they overdraw their fuzzy accounts with others because they make no deposits.

They are takers, not givers.

In order for your fuzzy bag to be always full, newly singled have to give personal feeling “deposits” to others, thru sharing your time, talents, and inner feelings.

The more we share, the more we magically have to share as our fuzzy supply becomes limitless.

You must change your present attitude to one of giving, from your past position of being strictly a taker and an emotional rip off artist.

I don’t mean using flattery as a fuzzy but begin just as we do in class by giving out genuine positive (or even negative) things you notice about others along with your associated feeling.

It doesn't have to be a positive - to be a fuzzy.

For example,.........
...........You seem rather tense here, maybe I can help you feel more at ease, since I felt the same way when I first started going out”.

Sharing yourself, your observations about another, and your personal feeling about the observation.

Too many of us are hung up on the immature,

I am a guest in this world, do it for me- show me, tell me- give to me.

Reassure me that I am okay and do things for me."

Hung up in the childish guest, (not an adult hostess).

People like this are not long welcomed, as these dependent people sort of suck you dry.

Experienced singles in the know, avoid people like this. It is like an infant that reacts with rage when others get tired of trying to pacify this constant taking person.

However, this adult bottles up and suppresses the rage over, being dropped, and since it isn't nice to throw tantrums anymore, they instead switch over to deep depression and anxiety.

It is a form of immaturity to expect to be a constant fuzzy receiver, but never give or share fuzzies.

Newly singled often lose their entire source of fuzzies (or at least cold prickleys, which kept them alive) when they lost their mate.
They too often had no other source of fuzzies to fall back on.

This newly singled person is not getting them from others, and in addition he has no good feelings about himself and generates no good “fuzzies" for himself.
The result- total fuzzy starvation, and they start to shrivel up and withdraw from the world.

Many newly singled are absolutely starved for “fuzzies” ( T. A. term is “strokes”), and when they find someone that responds with any good feelings at all about them, they latch on to this person making them their total source of fuzzies.

Few will put up with, or long maintain this type of dependant relationship.

We say you realize number one, that you need to learn to give and practice sharing fuzzies freely and joyously with the rest of the world.

Then number two, learn to give fuzzies to yourself.

Number three, develop many, not just one or two, new friends who feel good about you and regularly give you a steady source of fuzzies.

a lot of fuzzies

Fifth, be sure you are in a job that gives you a lot of fuzzies.

Now you have many sources of fuzzies.

You need to learn to keep these fuzzies moving on out to others.

Once you learn this magic formula, your fuzzy bag will never be empty.

You can be assured that giving fuzzies will make you feel great, just as receiving a great many fuzzies makes you thrive.

never again

worry about shriveling up and dying

a fuzzy shortage.

Read Part Two: Distributing Warm and Friendly Fuzzies everywhere you go

To read Claude Steiners full "Warm Fuzzy Tale" as we read it in Support groups, go here

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A Warm Fuzzy Story
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