The new fears surfacing during and as a result of your divorce process
become a heavy wave of fear and add much more despair to an already
overloaded period in your life.
Fear is a major factor in the stress and moving on from your divorce.
Fear of the unknown.
Probably more "unknowns" hanging over your head, than any other time in
What catastrophe happens to me next?
You will need to learn how to handle these fears that seem to come along
with the divorce process..
If you do not learn how to confront and control these fears of divorce,
you risk losing your emotional and physical health and the joy of
Fear has been with you forever, and has all along the way touched every
aspect of your life.
Here are some examples of fears to help jog your memory...failure, the
future, financial insecurity, rejection, injury, success, height, water,
fire, flying, germs, relationships or lack of, death, sex, or lack of,
war, losing something, not getting something, getting caught for
wrongdoings, crowds, public speaking, relapsing, being wrong, the
opposite sex, the same sex, the unknown, health problems, any phobias ,
This heightened state of fear during the divorce process, may derive
from a self-centered fear that as a result of our divorce that we will
lose something that we already have or not ever again be able to get
something that we want or need.
Get these fears out in the open by submitting them to paper and take a
good look at them.
Write down each fear that you have experienced as a result of and a part
of the divorce process experience.
Doing this exercise on paper is an
important part of the step to move
on that we are explaining here.
To cheat and not do the "on paper" exercise is to cheat no one but
yourself and your moving on to a new life.
Use descriptive words to cover both the feelings and beliefs underlying
your newly acquired divorce fears.
You will then be able to talk more honestly and openly about your fears
with someone who cares, whether it is a professional or a friend.
Your divorce induced fears are one of the parts of your divorce that
need to be and can be talked out.
Writing it down and seeing them in black and white will help you focus
your thoughts as you face your fears.
Once you have your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs all written out in
front of you, this will allow you to be more objective with what is
going on with your fears.
These fears restricting us from doing what should be done, or causing us
to do what should be avoided, can set in motion chains of circumstances
which can add significantly
to divorce woes.
These predictable fears can add additional misfortunes that we do not
need or deserve.
Is it possible that you have developed some of these new fears because
you have relied on yourself and you now see yourself as having failed ?
Is this apparent lack of power and feeling your life has gotten out of
control, affect your circumstances and your present dilemma?
In the divorce process, particularly if in a legal adversarial battle
with two attorneys. life seems much of the time to have almost
completely gotten out of your control.
Fear of all the bad outcome possibilities and then not knowing what will
happen next is bad enough.
It is devastating to discover that it now appears, no matter what you do
or how much effort you expend, you will have no control whatsoever of
the out come.
Financial insecurity, is perhaps the biggest fear and stress of divorce.
Perhaps the money was not enough to go around when you were both
supporting one household.
Now, with divorce, that same income is now going to have to be stretched
to support two households.
Certainly someone's standard of living is going to have to be drastically
lowered and likely both.
How bad is it going to be, how can you survive?
Are you going to lose your home?
Fear piles in of what all you might lose.
Next most common fear is rejection, I was rejected by my spouse who knew
me better then anyone in the world.
Result, now my fear is that no one will ever love me again..........
Afraid of never getting involved in a relationship again, or lack of
ever having sex again, fear of not ever finding companionship again,
being wrong, fear of the opposite sex, fear of the unknown, what lies
ahead. etc etc
Fears not only cause stress, they can eat away at your body, mind and
Your spirit gets lost in the waves of emotions: anger, frustration and
the loss of all joy and hope.
The new fears surfacing as your divorce progresses, bring on a new wave
|Fear of the unknown or what catastrophe happens next is the great
problem with the divorce process.
If is perfectly normal to be uncomfortable with anything new or unknown,
and becomes a fear when the unknown can include losses.
To overcome these fears, simply become informed and knowledgeable about
all things in your divorce, that lie ahead.
When you know all about it, it no longer is a fear. Read up on and
become informed, on this web site and associated links..
We have spent years putting together what you need to know to survive
divorce and to move on to a second chance to get on with a great new
You need not be afraid of and/or powerless, when it comes to what you
know how to handle.
You have no experience and little or no knowledge about what you are
going thru. It is natural to have fears about what you know nothing
Others have gone thru it and left you the information you need to know,
so go thru this
process, totally informed and knowledgeable.
If you remain ignorant about it and afraid, it is in a large part
because you simply have not done your home work.
It is very important to learn how to handle your fears, get them under
your control, to get thru your divorce recovery process.
The uncertainty of your new roles, all on your own, perhaps feeling for
the first time in your life, not having someone around as a baby sitter.
For the first time the almost complete isolation you face and the lack
of the unknown, together all stress you out far more than when you had
been going through your daily life before divorce. .
With the onset of the split, often fears started to run wild.
You will eventually come to realize you do not have control over events
or other people.
However, you do have total control over your response to events and to
This is where we begin to wage our battle with fear
Yes, the only control you have is over yourself.
Perhaps for the first time you are now totally in charge and control of
your own life.
You alone have all responsibility for you. That is indeed scary.
Can you handle it?
It is now your choice on how you will choose to live it.
Choose now how you will obtain the necessary tools, knowledge and
assistance to live your life with more happiness, more joy and more love
then you have ever experienced before.
You must do something about these needless fears immediately if you find
yourself being overwhelmed and experiencing fear.
Consider fear as the enemy.
Visualize your mind as a house. When you leave the doors and windows
open, these fears rush in and take over.
Close your mental windows and doors and lock them out, and they will
soon go away.
|Whatever you fear most has no power - it is
your fear that has the
Here are some additional suggestions:
Most of your fears are mere shadows.
Do whatever you need to cover and do to take normal precautions from
what you fear. in a relaxed and healthy manner..
Say to yourself, " My new life is not controlled by fear".
Fear is like a bully that tries to intimidate you, the more it affects
you, the more it comes on to you.
When and if the bully finds out you lock it out and ignore it, the
fear bully finding it has no power over you, soon leaves.
Remind yourself of the following, several times throughout the day. and
every time your fears rise to the top of consciousness.
"My fears are mere shadows, and most of these fears I have imagined are
not about to become my reality.
The 5% that do are never as bad as I had envisioned them."
Take time to see yourself living your life in complete control and more
fully and happily then you ever have before.
What you visualize all day long you will bring about.
Where you put the power of your attention is what manifests it self so
do not dwell on or allow your fears in,
Stop bringing up and processing of your fears. as a result, soon, they
fade away and are "out of here".
Related Article: Resentments, The Big Hold Up,
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