Harlan Jacobsen Copyright 2003


Note... We have been working on a system that notifies you in your email
when someone participating in the online  support group  has commented in the discussion.  You can then add your comments etc.  We are looking at
instant messenger and other methods of doing this type of support group online.. In the meantime we have built a Singles chat talk and support board where single life adjustment can be discussed. 
Go here.

We invite you to participate here in discussion and online support in
the question and answer part of the divorce recovery 101 front page
lower right column.

IN DIVORCE questions a lady marked it private and her situation was very similar to thousands of others.  This is the answer I sent her but since it was marked private it was not posted on the the question and answer board, I thought we might post it and refer people that post a similar situation could get information promptly on the subject by simply going here. 

She was just getting divorced from an alcoholic husband who beat her etc., was not a father to her kids who did not want to see him,  She had no relatives or friends around and she was crying herself to sleep.    

Beaten Down~
Your situation is very common, but telling you misery has company does not help. Almost everyone finding themselves in this situation feels they are very alone.

All this that you are going thru  is made worse now days in a big part like yourself, by relatives and the normal support group of people your folks and grand parents had, now days either this support group of relatives etc either move away or you do or both so they are not around when and where you really need them.
You lose all your married friends, you lose all the in-law relatives on his side and you are about as close to zero in support system and friends as you can get when you are at the very most stressful event in your life, when you most need a little help to get thru it.

Now, hearing that or knowing that has not helped you a bit I know, but it does help to understand where you are and why you feel so alone and helpless at this stage of your divorce.
So what do you do to make things turn around?

1.  Develop a network of single friends in your locality and on the web, we are here and you will find others on the web who have been thru this and that will help.

2.  Join a support group such as a local divorce recovery group etc., (we can help you find one.) and singles organized clubs.

3. Study up on what has worked for others and realize what seems now like the worse time of your life may well be looked back in a year from now as the best thing that ever happened to you. (hard to believe now but true)

4. Realize that working thru this and getting on to a better life takes some study,  motivation and a little time.

5.  Recognize you need to talk about what you are going thru. People that have been thru this themselves are willing to talk about it. Getting advice from them is not the important part. Being able to talk about what you are going thru with someone that will listen and understand is.

Get back with us and tell us how it is going.



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