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DATING...PART 11
(Last of the series) Divorce: Catastrophe or Opportunity? Harlan Jacobsen Copyright © 2003 |
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Do you consider your divorce a catastrophe or an opportunity for a new and better life? Only the individual can effect a good adjustment to being single again and your attitude will have a large part to play in making it just what you think it is, an improvement or pure hell. True, we probably all feel at some stage that a divorce was a disaster, but we can blame only ourselves if we do not change and eventually see the bright side of the coin. Being single again CAN be better and full of opportunities for you. You, however, must lift yourself with your own bootstraps. No amount of therapy or help and advice from others will help much without considerable effort on your part. You may find yourself in a self-perpetuating circle of despair and feelings of futility. You find yourself in a trap. The more pessimistic you are, the more you make it miserable for yourself, so that you have still more to be depressed about. Now, either things get better for you as a single or they get worse.
First of all, you need to change from the, "How do I get my spouse back?" or "How do I get even?" attitude to one of going your own way now and learning to function and be happy in a wonderful new world of personal independence and freedom. Learning to cope with the single life successfully does take time and you do certainly have to work at it. Some of our readers have gotten the idea that we slant our editorial comment toward getting married again. This is not necessarily so. Certainly, the cure for a miserable marriage experience is not necessarily another marriage. Far from it. There are many ways of restructuring your life to be very happy as a single for the rest of your life. That does not mean you will not meet the opposite sex and fall in love, or because you are single there is not someone special in your life. We write primarily to help make it easier to meet others, to adjust to being single, to learn to trust again, and just generally to help make it more fun and enjoyable to be single. We throw out many theories and ideas that are not necessarily our own, nor endorsed, but are expressed to give you some food for thought on how you too can learn to be happy single and ideas to help you join many delightful, enthusiastic single friends But remember, the pessimist says the bottle is half empty. The optimist says it's half full. How your divorce works out for you depends a lot on your attitude - - whether or not you make it into a disaster or an opportunity. 
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