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Getting Back Into Dating Again,

2001 Harlan Jacobsen


EXTREMES: Dating Again is often initially a matter of extremes. Using every available minute for dating or out looking to meet potential prospects. The other extreme is staying completely away from the opposite sex (they are never going to hurt me again).

Those new to dating often get heavily involved with some one right off and when that ends, they are more emotionally devastated then they were by their divorce.

THE DATING AGAIN CAUTION FLAG IS OUT

EASE BACK IN: You likely have had no education on the adult dating process and your experience likely does not include dating as a mature adult, which is entirely different than it was at your younger age. Even if you were completely knowledgable about the mature dating process, let's be honest, you are out of practice.

SOME BASIC RULES WILL HELP: These will help you get back into a comfort zone and making this a non stressful fun challenge.

First of all we recommend not dating one person exclusively (to the exclusion of dating all others) for at least 6 months. People (most) you date will be glad to hear about this caveat because many well adjusted singles will avoid dating newly singled because they tend to "latch on to" whoever goes out with them.

Develop a schedule of going out regularly and socializing where there are groups of singles. Safe places where you develop and see new single acquaintenances regularly. Volunteer to do some of the work that is always necessary to keep these organizations going. This gives you an excuse and opportunity to have a regular schedule and meet and mix with lots of new people.

Ease into dating by starting out with a simple 'agreeing to meet" for coffee after a singles event, class etc. Suggest getting together for lunch, another easy going short commitment of time. No big commitment of class A dating time here and you will rarely get turned down for these. Make a date to go feed the ducks down at the park after work. Same easy going result. Our newletters suggest dozens of these easy simple inexpensive ways to get acquainted and just "be together" type of dating.

Force yourself to continue to meet and date (spend time) with others, continue to meet new people even though bells rang and you are sure you have just met Mr or Ms Wonderful.

Always have 2 or 3 interesting single people on the back burner that you have just not had the time to get to know. Just as soon as one falls off the active front burners, you will have some interesting ones to move up and get better acquainted with.

Do Not expect to fill all your needs with one opposite sex person. Have a friend you go dancing with or arrange to meet at different dances. Another you go skiing with. One is just a person that comes over and fixes things for you around the house. Have someone you just love to go to foreign movies with. You no longer have to skip some of these things in your life because you are fastened to someone that does not do some of these things... You are a single person expanding your world, not shrinking it.

Where do you go to meet your type of single friends and dating material? Just about anywhere, but some places are better then others and a real singles gold mine.

What do you say after you get there and or meet them? Like the dog that chases cars a lot, you need to learn what you do should you actually catch one.

We take all this up in our "New" Dating Again website and our singles newsletters and newspapers. See also our archives of articles.

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Related Article: Whether you should date before divorce is final, article by Judge Anne Kass, click here

 

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