Dear Divorcerecovery101.com - From Jackie in Paulden,AZ (09/06/10-20:13)
I believed my husband of 2 years were sole mates.! year into the marriage I found out he had never been a cop, ws never shot or stabbed in the line of duty, but rather was bi-polar and had electro shock therapy and that's how his jaw was broken. I have had a hard time believing in his love as he lies so very much. He never had a job with his first marriage and has not worked for almost 2 years. He watches tv nd drinks 1 1/2 quart of vodka daily. He has had major DT'S at least 10 times and has also beaten me because he says he is sick of my insecurities. We were homeless and moved in with his very wealthy widowed mom..within weeks on a daily basis he was laying down the "LAW" of what I can and can't do. If I disagreed he told me to hit the road with just the clothes on my back. I feel so guilty for my past wrongs in this marriage and feel I should of worked harder at this because of his mental illness.His mom says I am the nut case and he beleives and supports that idea and does the blame game when ever we talk. I think he wants me gone so his mom will support him. he is 45, I am 52. How do I beleive in my selfworth.also why am I so needy from my frirends to tell me constantly it was him and not me. I am having horrific battles with anxiety, I thought he was my sole mate..I feel as if I was the one who dissapointed him and this is all my fault, how do I get through this pain of loving and missing him? |
Dear Jackie,
Jackie,
You need some heavy duty help here.....
Suggest you check on agencys in your area that might help and send you to the right places for help on this.
Sounds to me like you have more then one person should handle on their own and you should be able to get some help here.
This is way out of my possablity of helping much, other then to say you need to see what help is available in your county and if none, contact me back and will see if I can run down some agency in your area. What county are you?
Regards,
Harlan Jacobsen
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Dear Divorcerecovery101.com - From Reba in Hattiesburg,Ms (09/06/10-20:13)
I found out that my Husband of 22 years was having an affair. When I asked him if he was going to stop doing what he was doing he said that he didn't know. I said I wanted a divorce, he said lets seperate and see where it goes. Later I found out that the woman is now pregnant and we are still living together. He is in the military and I don't have a job, because we just moved here from Hawaii. Now I am stuck, we just bought a house, he is paying all the bills and I don't have a job. I can't put him out and he doesn't have enough money to find him a place. I want him to leave but worried I want be able to afford my mortgage or my bills. If I tell him to leave, will he have to still pay my bills until I find a job? We also have a daughter who is 13 years old. I asked him could we work it out and he said that, he just wanted to be able to do what he wanted to do, when he wanted to do it. Some answer huh? I told him to grow up. |
Dear Reba,
Reba,
There are a lot of legal questions here and we do not do those......
Would suggest though that you have some pretty well protected rights that the husband is responsable for your support and it would seem in the military you would have some pretty strong back up on that. Suggest you contact the military he is involved with and seek counseling there as to your rights and what steps to take.
This must come up regularly and steps are well established I am sure.
My observation is that in most states you can file a divorce, get a court order keeping him out, lock him out, and the court will normally order him to pay you some amount for support monthly, including paying for the house, until divorce is final, particularly if you are not working and I would get that ruling before you consider starting any job etc.
Regards,
Harlan Jacobsen
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Dear Divorcerecovery101.com - From jackie rengo in aitkin,mn (09/06/10-20:13)
my husband wants a divorce he has had several emotional affairs he started collage new job lota of women having problems gets top emotional involved rather have conversations with them tan me havent slept togather for over a year, yet he wont file the papers or get thing rolling,he says he does not have time.With school and work,is he going threw a midlife crises maybe but i have moved out and will never trust him again his emitional affairs have recked our marraige but why wont he file or should i do it.I feel like he wants this he should do it.Am i wrong?And why is he draging his feet ? he calls always every day and gets upset i have not much to say unless its about our son. |
Dear jackie rengo,
Jackie,
Looks like you are left in no mans land as we call it, not divorced, not single, not nothing. Confused about the only label you get with staying in your position.
Life is short, this part of your life is over.
Not giving legal advise but you can go to the stationary store and fill in forms obtained there and file your divorce your self tomorrow. If have property and something that there may be a hassle over you can get legal advise as needed.
Then suggest you cut off all contact for your own sanity and refuse to discuss anything other then property splits and your son.
Otherwise it will never be over and you will not get on with life.
You and he are relationship addicts and you have to sober up, sure you will have withdrawal pain.
But hang in there it gets okay.
Regards,
Harlan Jacobsen
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Dear Divorcerecovery101.com - From becaye dieng in east orange,nj (09/06/10-20:13)
i fill my divorce on june and the final jugement was november 16 2009 ,when i can get married ,3 months after the final jugement ? or 3 months after i fill it |
Dear becaye dieng,
Not an attorney, and do not give legal advice but my understanding is you can get married the same day your divorce becomes final. Sounds logical to me, never heard of any delay or waiting period.
Question..........Are you a slow learner?
Regards,
Harlan Jacobsen
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Dear Divorcerecovery101.com - From Amy in Catoosa,OK (09/06/10-20:13)
My husband of a year and a half just told me that he wants a divorce. He confessed to habitual lying, kissing another woman from work twice, and keeping money from me (among many other things). He says that he loves me, but is not in love with me. He doesn't want to work it out, not even for the sake of our two month old son. We tried marriage counseling for a few weeks but it didn't help. We've been seperated for a weeks now, before he asked for the divorce. How can he just throw away our marriage like it means nothing to him? He doesn't want to make the effort to try and get our marriage back on a healthy, happy road. What can I do to keep it all together and be strong...not just for me but for my son? I'm just so angry, hurt, and confused. i kep my marriage vows, why didn't he? |
Dear Amy,
Hello Amy,
First of all you have to adjust to the idea that ALL relationships expire.
You have had others in your life time and they did not last. Nothing wrong with that, they were probably all memorable worth while experiences.
The fact that you have paper work on this one does not change much of that.
Once one of the two people decides this relationship is not going any where anymore and is over, then the other person
is very frustrated and try's to put humpty dumpty back together because they were not ready for it to be over.
Very seldom do they both decide it is over at the same time. Therefore we have one going on their way, and getting on with life
and the left person trying to figure out
(a waste of time) what they can do to put it back together.
It some times takes them a year to accept that this is a waste of time and finally adjusts to the idea the relationship is over.
We call this "beating' on a dead horse.
Trying to make it come back to life and work again.
You can decide how much of your life you want to spend or waste beating on your
"dead horse."
If you move on and get your life working again and everything is sunshine, you are attractive alternative.
When you get your life working you will have lots of options and putting this back together wont even make the list.
Beating on this dead horse now is a waste of time, no chance of it coming back to life doing that.
Move on and make plans for chapter two.
Curtain just fell on chapter one.
Regards,
Harlan
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