Dear Divorcerecovery101.com - From dave ouellette in suffield,ct (07/04/08-21:23)
need help, my xwife was/is supposed to maintain employment. she just lost her job and is now content on collecting unemployment. this greatly affects my time with my kids as our agrement was that she would drop/off/pickup the kids at her place of work which is one town away from me.. now that she's unemployed, I am going to have to commute 1/2 to her residence (15miles) out of the way of my employment, then drive another 10miles to bring them to daycare, making me 2hrs late to work on the days I have them- our parenting agreement is 50/50, the kids goto the schools in the town they where born in, i bought her 1/2 of house (which I cant afford anymore) so they can stay in the school system. |
Dear dave ouellette,
Dave,
There are many local helping agencys that may be able to help you. I would suggest you send her a letter stating your plight and ask for help, making her fully aware burden she has dumped on you unfarily, then there is a record of what has gone on if you have legal recourse later, bring it up todate regularly, and whether you get response or not she has been informed and court will know you tried to adopt ot difficult situation and fairly asked for help, you are not just now coming up with it.
Regards,
Harlan Jacobsen
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Dear Divorcerecovery101.com - From William Espinosa in Titusville,FL (07/04/08-21:23)
How can I get my ex to allow my parents to have visitation with our children? She has a restraining order against me seeing them and forbids any communication with my family in Puerto Rico. |
Dear William Espinosa,
William,
Looks to me like you would have a lot of legal bills and likely get no where here.
Best bet would proabably be to have your parents by pass you, since your ex thinks you are a villian of some type.
Apparently....
Have them appeal directly to her that all kids deserve to have grandparents and the benefits from that, contact etc., and inter-relationship and they have done nothing to deserve being cut out of their roll as grandparents nor have the children done anything to deserve being denied contact and benefit of two sets of grandparents.
Please reconsider allowing us to, whatever they propose to be able to at least see and have some contact with their side of their
inherited relatives. etc.
Good luck!
Regards,
Harlan Jacobsen
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Dear Divorcerecovery101.com - From William D. Espinosa in Titusville,FL (07/04/08-21:23)
How can I regain child custody when I have a restraining order preventing me to see my children? |
Dear William D. Espinosa,
Boy, thats a pretty tough guestion, if I had an answer to that I would go in the business. Of course, even if I was an expert I would need a lot of information to help you, but let me just say what may help.
The judge just wants to get this settled and go home and put his feet up. So he is looking what is best for the kids, or what has someone convinced me(true or not) is best for these kids.
Sounds to me like you need to become or hire a hell of a salesman to convince the judge that doing it your way is far better for the
children. Now that is really not true, he really needs to be
good.
So that is really what you are dealing with and it usually is a waste of a lot of money.
Get a mutual friend or someone to negotiate some arrangement with your ex.
Cut out the judge, if you can both make it work.
Regards,
Harlan Jacobsen
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Dear Divorcerecovery101.com - From Roberto Rabassa in worcester,ma (07/04/08-21:23)
My wife and i divorced 5 years ago,and we had a bad divorce. at times we could not even speak to each other.we have 3 kids 14,19, and 20. we have been friends for the past 3 years as we agreed that we needed to do it for the best interest of our kids. I live 1 hour away in a different state with my 19t year year old son for the past 3 years, she lives with our youngest and our 20year old daughter. I was in a relationship for the 3 years that my son lived with me until last year. I now live alone with my son. She never remaried but did have a very short relationship for about 8 months but he never visited her at her house and kids never mingled with him. we have gone on vacation with our kids we have done everything possible to give them what they need, and to make them understand that mom and dad are not getting together and that we are indeed just friends. but our kids have made us feel that what we are doing is not rite, and that because we made them as they say go thru hell. that they hate that we can now be friends. I have stayed at her house with them maybe 6 or seven times a year. but never have i had any sexual contact with there mother, we do flirt every now and then in front of them when ever they make a sarcastic comment about us. My question is are we doing anything wrong? do our kids hate us? should i just stop visiting them at moms place? should we not continue to do things for our kids together? And the main question is did we loose all of our kids respect? and how? |
Dear Roberto Rabassa,
Roberto,
That is a tough one to sort out a clear answer on these kid things and I went thru it and it took 20 years, but they finally sorted it out.(4 kids)
Kids never go thru any counseling courses, support groups, nothing, not a thing that helps and probably other kids feeding them wrong veiw point's that got them off in a wrong slant too. Most of them sort out what happened, (really a long time sometimes) and they seem from, my view point, make some decision internally, right off about what happened and if you have four kids they probably sorted it out from four different angles.
Would like to develop some story kids could relate to that explains correctly what happened. Took years to get an explanation that adults could pick up on adjust to correctly in a short time. The difference in adults, some after six years are still running a distorted life because of their divorce. Others in as little as six months have just built and entirely great new life, that never would have happened, it would have been reruns, for years but the divorce made them stop and revamp and sort out what worked for them and what really did not.
Kids understand little or none of this and once made a decison about who did what and screwed up their perfectly good life, they really hold a grudge. Sorry that I do not have a really good handle on this.
We did say though that usually the best thing you could do for your kids was to lead a happy successful new life. Kids are a mirror...if you are a mess as a parent then the kids are. If you get it all together they eventually do to.
Best of luck,
Harlan Jacobsen
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Dear Divorcerecovery101.com - From Joan in , (07/04/08-21:23)
When is the divorced considered finalized?
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Dear Joan,
Normally they send you or your attorney court papers saying it is "finalized". Call your court house with the case number or the people involved and ask the clerk, they should be able to tell you the status of the case over the phone. This is legal advice out of our area of expertise but this information is normally available and recorded at the court house.
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